iFix It Myself
by Leafsdude
Summary: Picks up pretty much right before we leave the Normal-Spencer-Verse in iChristmas.  "Fine, if that freak won't help me, then I'll fix it myself.  I can do that, can't I?" Eventually CarlyxSam
1. I Am Slowly Going Crazy

_A/N: Okay, let's see here. This takes place during iChristmas, leading off right before Carly gives up on Mitch showing up again. The idea was basically, what if it was a movie-length episode instead of the regular 22 minutes? So now, instead of the quick fix, we've got a bit of interesting stuff and a more involved conclusion! Say it with me: yay!_

_This will probably mostly read like an episode, so it should be cool to read for anyone who would care to. I'll be sure to note clearly if there's a change. As well, obviously, there's many a spoiler to read here. If there are episodes you haven't watched yet, especially iChristmas though there are others, too, and you hate to be spoiled, don't read until you're sure. There's also a level of necessity to at least understand the plot of iChristmas, at least to start. Fair warning_

_As for shipping, I have a possible plan on that, but for the moment it'll remain vague. Suffice to say, I will not be shipping either of the main 'canon' pairings, but it shouldn't be too out there. If you can't stand to see any other pairing, then I would suggest you tread carefully._

_Lastly, as for reviewing, I keep an open policy. If you want to just read anonymously, I am not a hog for ego-building. If you do wish to review, as long as you keep it civil, I can promise I will enjoy reading them and might send you a line in response, especially to any questions. I mostly write for my own enjoyment, and just post in case someone else wants to join in on it, so anything is a bonus. In other words, no pressure._

_I think that's all, except enjoy._

Disclaimer: Dan seems to be above suing children, so if anyone asks, I'm 5 years old, okay? Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Just read!

Legend: _Italics are thoughts, _except when_ single _words_._

Summary: Picks up pretty much right before we leave the Normal-Spencer-Verse (to be referred to by me from now on as NSV) in iChristmas. "Finally, Carly gave up. Giving a box a swift kick, she bolted out of the room. 'Fine, if that freak won't help me, then I'll fix it myself. I can do that, can't I?'"

* * *

**iFix It Myself: An iChristmas Extended Episode Fic**

**By:**

**David Armstrong, AKA Leafsdude**

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* * *

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**Chapter 1: I Am Slowly Going Crazy**

"Mitch!" Carly shouted once more. _Where is that short, evil angel,_ she wondered. He always seemed to show up on command, as if shouting his name was like Mrs. Benson blowing Freddie's whistle. Why was it, now that she was completely freaking out, he was still conspicuously absent?

Another moment passed, and Carly looked around for the presence of Mitch, looking over the boxes that would easily hide him.

Finally, Carly gave up. Giving a box a swift kick, she bolted out of the room. _Fine, if that freak won't help me, then I'll fix it myself, _Carly paused, the door to the studio…correction, _attic_, slamming shut behind her. _I can do that, can't I? I mean, I know he's magical, but that doesn't mean I'm trapped like this forever, does it?_

Carly shook her head, waiting for an idea to pop into her head. _C'mon Carly, Sam always says you're great at figuring things out…_ Carly trailed off from her thought. "Sam!"

*Flashback*

"How do you know my mom has a tattoo of a foot on her foot?" Sam asked angrily, a hard glare at Carly, wondering what this…_girl_ was up to. Was she some sort of spy? "How do you know all that stuff?"

"I told you!" Carly replied impatiently. "We're best friends!"

Sam paused. She didn't sound like a spy. Spies are supposed to be all subtle and emotionless, right? And they don't make slip-ups like saying they got you into juvie, clearly the worst place she'd ever been. Sam thought for a moment. If Carly really _was_ her best friend, she'd know stuff that Sam had never told anyone, right?

"What's my favourite colour?" She asked confrontationally.

"Brown," Carly replied without missing a beat.

"Why?" Sam asked. A spy would still be trained to make it sound like they were sure when they were only guessing. Maybe she just got lucky.

"'Cause it's the colour of gravy," Carly answered as swiftly, giving her best 'duh' look.

Sam paused. _She's good._

"What's my favourite junk food?" She pressed again.

"Fat cakes," Carly replied absently. Would this Sam, who wasn't her best friend, and was locked up in juvie, still be obsessed with fat cakes?

"What's my favourite book?" Sam asked in rapid-fire.

Carly caught on, without even thinking about it. So far, everything about Sam was the same, except she was on the other side of a jail, and she didn't know Carly.

"Boogie-Bear 3: The Return Of Boogie-Bear."

"What do I hate most?"

"People!"

"What do I want to be when I grow up?" Sam asked. _No one _knew that one, and there surely wasn't anyone who could figure it out by spying on her.

"An invisible ninja!" Carly replied, keeping eye-contact with Sam the whole time.

Sam stared in awe. "Wow…"

*End Flashback*

Sam didn't just toss her, granted, insane-sounding problem out the window like Spencer and Mrs. Benson, and even Freddie did. And if anyone could think of something when Carly couldn't, it would be Sam.

Carly hurried down the stairs, too lost in her plan to pay attention in front of her.

"Hey, Carly, are you…?" Smack. Carly ran hard into Freddie, knocking the two off-balance. Luckily, Freddie was a bit more swift in this reality, catching hold of the railing while keeping Carly from falling the rest of the way down.

"Ouch," Carly said, rubbing her head, hoping there wasn't going to be a bruise.

"Yeah," Freddie agreed absently. "Hey, you sounded kinda crazy back there. You're not losing your marbles, are you? You know, not playing with a full deck? Maybe a few bricks short of a load?"

"Alright, I get it," Carly broke in, rolling her eyes.

"Well, are you?" Freddie asked after a pause.

"Umm," Carly gave Freddie a look before shrugging. "Yeah, maybe just a little."

"Oh," Freddie looked down dejectedly for a moment before his eyes shot back up. "Wait, did you just say you were?"

Carly shrugged again. She wasn't really sure if she was or not herself. It really didn't matter, though, did it? _Why can't Freddie just leave me alone right now?_

"Will you go out with me?" Freddie asked quickly, that hopeful look of the real Freddie in his eyes.

"What?" Carly asked incredulously. "But…but you're dating icky Rona Burger. I mean, not icky. Sweet, nice, totally not bossy Rona Burger."

"Oh, come on!" Freddie said. "Have you listened to her at all? She's crazy!"

"Well, yes, she is," Carly agreed without pause. "But then, why are you dating her?"

Freddie gave Carly a look. "I lost a bet," he answered.

"Oh," Carly gave Freddie a sympathetic look. "With who?"

"You," Freddie muttered.

Carly paused. _I made Freddie date icky Rona Burger 'cause of a bet? I don't bet._ "Umm, sorry?"

Freddie shrugged, dodging the comment by pointing down the stairs. "So, umm, where were you going?"

"Oh, umm, I was, uh," Carly paused. Did this Freddie even know Sam? And was he just blushing a little? "I was going to talk to Sam again. I thought maybe she could help me figure out…"

"SA…mmph, mmph, mmph!" Carly quickly covered Freddie's mouth to keep him from shouting out Sam's name. There's no way a normal-Spencer wouldn't hear him from downstairs, what with all the lack of loud noises damaging his eardrums. _Unless there are lots of loud noises in court rooms, like 'you can't handle the truth!' Naa, probably not._

"Shhh!" Carly scolded, giving Freddie a hard look. Freddie nodded that he understood, and Carly removed her hand.

"Samantha Puckett?" He whispered in disbelief. "She's in juvie. And totally off her rocker! Why would you want to talk to _her_?"

"'Cause we were best friends," Carly said for the thousandth time. It was totally strange to have to say it to anyone. It was common knowledge that she was Sam's best friend, and vice versa. "And she's the only one who's even listened to anything I've said."

"What in all things plump and tasty could Samantha Puckett do to help you?" Freddie asked, not for a moment taking anything Carly just said seriously.

"I don't know, but I'm kind of running out of options," Carly said.

"Yeah, clearly," Freddie muttered, causing Carly to pause to shoot daggers at Freddie. "I'll be quiet."

"Usually when I don't know what to do, Sam does," Carly continued to explain. "Just like I do when she doesn't. And why do you keep using her full name? She's just Sam."

"'Just Sam'," Freddie repeated with a snort. "Alright, whatever. Have fun with the _criminally insane_ 'Sam'!"

Freddie started to walk off, laughing at his own joke.

"Wait!" Carly said sharply in her authoritative tone, causing Freddie to stop cold, turning back to look at her. "I need a distraction. I don't think Spencer would let me wander out right now without an explanation, and I don't think I can lie my way past him."

"Oh, no," Freddie shook his head with dread. "I'm not helping you go see a psycho in jail. You're on your own."

Carly gave Freddie a look. "Uh huh," she said, not believing it for a second.

"I mean it!" he repeated, not faltering.

"Please?" Carly asked sweetly. "For me?"

Freddie's guard fell down in a second. "Alright," he said before realizing it. "Argh!"

"It won't be that bad," Carly offered grabbing Freddie's arm and pulling him back towards the main floor. "Just find some way to keep Spencer and the rest of them from looking towards the kitchen. I'll sneak out the back way."

"Fine," Freddie replied in disgust. "But I'm not going to like it."

"Yeah, yeah," Carly replied, not caring at all. "Oh, and Nevel. If you could do something mean to him, that'd be great."

Freddie perked up. "Really?"

Carly shrugged, giving Freddie another push. "I'll be down in a minute, so make sure they're not looking!"

* * *

Elsewhere, in parts unknown, Mitch was dealing with his role in all this about as well.

"Yeah, I know, but this isn't the way it's supposed to work," Mitch said, shaking his head and pacing around.

"Hey, don't worry, you'll still get your wings," a voice boomed back from nowhere and everywhere at once.

"I told her, though," Mitch started, an unhappy look on his face. "Once the wish granted teaches a valuable lesson, I get my wings and things go back to normal."

"Sometimes you have to change the rules in the middle of the game," Booming Voice answered. "And besides, this looks like it could be a lot of fun to watch."

"I still don't like it," Mitch said, shaking his head, even though he knew it probably would be. "Those wings better be good."

"I'll make them golden," Booming Voice responded with a slight laugh.

"That sounds good," Mitch replied after a moment's thought. "Alright, let's watch."

* * *

Freddie gave Carly a couple looks over his shoulder as he headed downstairs. _What am I doing?_ He asked himself, looking around at the group in the main room. _Carly might like you if you do it, _he argued with himself.

Grabbing his camcorder out of his pocket, he wandered over, giving them an innocent smile.

"Hey, I was thinking, well, we're all here," he started, gaining everyone's attention. "Why not let me film you all to, uh, commemorate this lovely evening?"

"You're not going to put it on that _digital_ photo frame, are you?" Rona asked, giving him a snide look.

"No, videos can't go on a digital photo frame," Freddie answered sweetly. "'Though I could make a DVD of it for everyone if you guys want."

"That sounds lovely, Freddie," Spencer nodded. "How about we sing some Christmas carols and drink some low-fat, non-alcoholic eggnog while Freddie films us?"

Nevel and Mrs. Benson smiled in approval while Spencer picked up the nog and a boom box from the counter, hitting play on the latter, causing the starting bars of "Carol of the Bells" to belt out of the speakers loudly.

"Whoops, forgot to turn the dial down," Spencer said nonchalantly as he calmly turned the volume dial to a more reasonable level. "Everybody ready?"

Everyone nodded, except Rona, who just stared daggers at Freddie. Freddie, for his part, was handling the stress well, keeping the cam steady, and masking his awkward glances towards the stairs every couple seconds from the group.

Finally, Carly made her way down, peaking around the corner and seeing everyone intently focused on Freddie, and completely ignoring what was going on behind them. She quietly tip-toed the rest of the way down before looking into the kitchen. To her surprise, the door was closed.

_Erg! Evil normal Spencer and his over-careful ways, _she thought as she took another glance towards the offending party. Making eye-contact again with Freddie, she finally noticed the camera. _Ahhh! He's filming me!_

Carly gave Freddie a not-so-hard-to-decipher look. Freddie gave a shrug, and pointed at the group, all of which were completely focused on something or someone else during the song. As they all turned back at Freddie, he masked his movements to give a 'you're doing perfect' sign at the rest as Carly snuck out the door. _Hopefully he gets the hint and deletes that film as soon as they're done,_ she thought worriedly. _Or I might only have as long as it takes them to find out I'm gone to figure this out._

* * *

Getting off of the bus at the designated stop for the Juvenile Detention Facility, Carly tried to wipe off the hobo drool on her jeans, a disgusted look on her face. She immediately looked around for any signs of Spencer or anyone else she knew. Seeing it was clear, she headed into the scary-looking building.

The previous time she was here, Mitch had magically set a visitation time. She wasn't sure if she had to pre-book. _One way or another, I'm talking to Sam,_ Carly thought aggressively. _I just hope I don't have to break any glass or nails doing it._

She walked up to the front desk, giving a wave at the woman at the front desk.

"Hey!" she said perkily. "Umm, I'd like to talk to Sam...uh, Samantha Puckett."

The heavyset woman gave Carly a hard look, before, pointing towards the visitation area.

Carly just shrugged, taking the direction noted. "Alright then," she muttered to herself. "And a good day to you, too."

Taking her seat, she waited for the guard to bring Sam.

As opposed to the first time, when Carly heard Sam before she saw her, there was no trademark Sam arguing as she slid down to her side of the glass. She gave Carly a snide glance that Carly immediately read as her 'I don't know what's going on, so watch it' look.

"Hey," Sam said, starting the conversation this time with feigned disinterest. Her incredulous tone from the first meeting was completely gone, replaced with the same awe from earlier.

"Sam, I need your help," Carly started, but was cut off by Sam.

"If you don't have what I asked you for, I'm not listening," Sam commented, raising her eyebrows. "You said you know what it's like in here, so help me out or get lost, okay?"

Carly looked softly at Sam. She wasn't as completely hostile towards Carly as she was before, but she still wasn't being nice. Or at least what Carly's defined as 'nice' for her best friend. Reaching into her pocket, Carly pulled out a fat cake, handing it to the guard who inspected it carefully before deciding it was okay.

Sam, for her part, looked possessively at the snack, only barely keeping the drool from escaping her wide open mouth.

"Will you listen now?" Carly asked impatiently, watching Sam scarf down the cake in record time, even for her.

"Yes, yes, what up?" Sam replied, giving Carly a bit more of a diplomatic gaze, though it still wasn't exactly friendly.

"Well, you remember what I told you, about the wish thing?" Carly asked, getting her expected nod back from Sam. "Well, it seems like Mitch has decided to ditch me now."

"So?" Sam asked, shrugging. "That creep sounds like the type of dude you'd want to lose."

Carly smiled in spite of herself. _Dude…_ "Yes, but I have no idea how to fix all of this without him. I thought, well…You always seem to know what to do when I don't."

"Hey, I'm not even sure if I believe you yet," Sam retorted, giving Carly a surprised glance. "What makes you think I'd have any idea how to fix it?"

"You're…you're resourceful," Carly offered, a hopeful eyebrow cocked. "And you know how to get out of stuff. I mean, Spencer's the one with the 3 days of law school, but you always seem to know how to get around those little things better than he does."

"Momma does have her ways," Sam agreed wistfully. "But it's not like I have any idea on how to reverse some magical spell I don't even believe in. And even if I did, hello! That'd mean I'd, like, not exist anymore!"

"Don't say that, Sam," Carly cut in, giving her a look. "You're still the same person, you're just, umm, not my friend, and in juvie. But everything else about you is the same. You'll still exist."

"Well, that does sound good," Sam finally agreed. "Juvie's such a bummer. Being out again would be nice."

"How, umm," Carly paused, trying to find a nice way to ask. "How long are you here?"

"Two more days," Sam said perkily. "Mom said she'll pick me up and get me some ice cream from the cafeteria."

"Cafeteria?" Carly asked, before looking behind her in the direction Sam glanced towards, spotting the cafeteria. "You're going to eat icky cafeteria food right after you're released? And what kind of juvie has a cafeteria in the first place?"

"I asked that, too, but, hey, it's better than the nothing she gives me at home," Sam retorted simply, her hands raised in a 'give me a break' gesture.

"Well, forget that," Carly offered, her voice dropping slightly, giving the guard a subtle glance to make sure he didn't hear. "You must know some way out of here."

Sam shrugged. "Well, yeah, but I tried it, it's impossible."

"The barred windows that only open from the outside?" Carly asked knowingly, raising an eyebrow.

"I like the way you think, Shay," Sam said with an evil smile.

"I know," Carly replied with an equivalent smile.

* * *

"Great, now I'm an accessory to an escape," Mitch muttered in disbelief.

"What, she always helps Sam escape," Booming Voice replied with a chuckle. "You need to relax a bit."

"You know, the more I get to know you, the more I think you gave Sam your personality," Mitch retorted.

"That's insulting," Booming Voice shot back, clearly not impressed. "Sam doesn't deserve such badmouthing."

"Yeah, yeah," Mitch shrugged. "Though, hey, with her out now, maybe they'll…"

"Hey, don't ruin it," Booming Voice cut him off.

"Oh, uh, right," Mitch stuttered. "Spencer's going to go wild."

"Yeah," Booming Voice agreed. "Should be fun."

Mitch just sighed in reply.

* * *

TBC

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_A/N:_ _Ooo, is Mitch actually a part of an evil organization? Of course not, you fool! *Smirk*_

_On a more serious note, just a few clarifications on this chapter. Well, one, really. Some people might me asking themselves, "how did Freddie know that Carly was talking about _that_ Sam when Carly used just her first name?" And if you did, good for you. Of course, the simple, yet cop-out, answer for that is, she's the only person they know named 'Sam'. I know, far fetched, but go with it. Without it, it gets long and tedious, so revel in the lack of sense at some points._

_Now, one final thing before I go. I have stuck in a few interesting tidbits (or, if you prefer, references) for the readers to find. There's some simple ones, and some hard to spot ones. I stick them in 2 catagories:_

_In-Show: Referencing one-time gags or moments. Running gags do not count. Same with anything that is directly referencing a scene, nor anything from iChristmas, for obvious reasons._

_Pop-Culture: Referencing media from outside the show. Most are well-known, and largely quoted ones, but there's a few rare ones that only those really into pop-culture will catch._

_In this chapter, there are 4 in-show references, and 3 pop-culture references. See if you can name them all!_

_That's it for now._

_Happy reading!_


	2. The Escape Of The Century

_A/N: Well, hello again. Yes, this chapter's slightly shorter than the last one. I will try my best to make it the SHORTEST in this fic, but I'm expecting the next few scenes to be much longer, so it was either post way too much in a single post, or post too little. Keep in mind that by posting too little, I have managed to get a chapter ready quicker than by posting too much._

_Anyway, the same in the first chapter A/N applies here, so this note should be shorter. That means further episode extending, spoiler alerts, future ship pairing that don't involve Freddie with either of the female leads, and free reviewing, which I noticed all of you took to heart._

_So I lied. Review now! I'm crying now because all you mean readers didn't say how awesome I am! So please, if you care at all about my feelings, review!_

_Oh, c'mon, don't scroll over…don't click that…no, stop typ-…oh, don't you DARE hit that post butto…_

_Jeez, hasn't anybody heard of sarcasm before? Sheesh! *Facepalm* Just read the chapter already!_

_(Damn, that ended up being about as long, didn't it? Sorry…)_

Disclaimer: Dan seems to be above suing children, so if anyone asks, I'm 5 years old, okay? Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Just read!

Legend: _Italics are thoughts, _except when_ single _words_._

Summary: The NSV has failed to end for Carly. So now she's taken it upon herself to get out of this rat-hole, volunteering Sam by breaking her out of jail. Will Spencer and Freddie drag Carly to an insane asylum? Will Sam break every bone in their body when they try? Will there be any more lame pop culture references? Only the writer knows! Muhahaha!

(…Hey, that's your cue to read on. Hurry, now!)

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**iFix It Myself: An iChristmas Extended Episode Fic**

**By:**

**David Armstrong, AKA Leafsdude**

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**Chapter 2: The Escape Of The Century!**

As Carly quietly entered the loft from the kitchen door later that afternoon, she was relieved and disturbed to see Spencer and Mrs. Benson curled up asleep on the couch. She immediately snuck upstairs, heading towards the attic, hoping that no one knew she was gone in the first place. Pulling out her phone, she quickly dialled Freddie's number. As she hit 'dial', she jumped when she heard a squeak behind her along with a buzz.

"Ahh, ouph!" Freddie muttered quietly as he answered the phone in a high-pitched voice. "Uh, the number you have reached is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again!"

"Freddie," Carly scolded, walking over to the boy. "Why are you here?"

"I was, uhh…" Freddie paused as he tried to come up with some excuse.

"Looking for my diary?" Carly interjected, giving Freddie a look.

"Carly, I would never…" He stopped upon seeing the look. "Yeah."

"Well, whatever," Carly said hurriedly. "Does anyone know I was gone?"

"No, they all thought you went to take a nap 'cause you were so embarrassed about your outburst," Freddie said. "I told them you had a dream and it confused you, but you're okay now."

"Uh huh, completely okay," Carly said sarcastically. "Look, I've got to go out again, but after dark this time. Can you go with me?"

"Umm, sure," Freddie said, giving Carly a look. "What are we doing?"

"Nothing, just…breaking Sam out of juvie," Carly replied as if it was a normal thing. Which, when she thought about it, it was.

"You're breaking Sam out of juvie?" Freddie repeated loudly.

"Jeez, could you say that any louder? I don't think my granddad heard you in Yakima!" Carly whispered sarcastically.

"Why are you breaking Sam out of juvie?" Freddie asked, looking at Carly like she had two heads.

"Well, she's out in two days anyway, and I need her to help me now," Carly replied defensively. "I can't take two more days of this. I don't know if I can stand one more minute of it!"

"Wait. You want me to help you?" Freddie's eyes went wide. "Do you know what people like Sam do to people like me?"

"Yeah, I do," Carly laughed, before sobering on Freddie's look. "Hey, I can control Sam, okay? Or at least I used to be able to. At worst, she'll give you a wedgie and call you a nub, so don't freak out on me, okay?"

"Alright, but if she gives me a black eye, I'm never talking to you again," Freddie threatened.

"One can dream," Carly replied quickly, before giving Freddie an innocent look.

* * *

Freddie and Carly snuck the back way around the compound after climbing the fence. Though Carly was well-versed in climbing prison fences, it took Freddie a few tries to get over.

As she headed over towards the windows that covered Sam's cell, Carly gave Freddie a signal to be quiet as he joined her.

"Sam's going to give me a signal when the guard's not there," Carly whispered. "When I say so, help me open the window."

"Won't they know she's gone before we get anywhere?" Freddie hissed, his nervousness shining.

"Don't worry, she's got a decoy to keep them unaware for a while," Carly replied calmly. "We'll be fine."

At that moment, Sam gave the signal, and Carly and Freddie moved to open the window cover. It didn't open immediately, but through her panic, Carly managed to force it open, causing Freddie to stumble backwards.

"Just a second," Sam muttered from below. Carly heard some rustling and a couple of click-like sounds before Sam's hand appeared at the bottom of the opening that was just wide enough for her to fit through. Knowing that they only had a matter of moments before the guard returned, Carly grabbed her hand and pulled her out, closing the window quietly and sliding back in away from view.

"That was too close, Sam," Carly said, giving her an admonishing glance.

"What?" Sam asked laughingly. "I had room for one more pic on my camera. I figured I'd might as well rig it up and leave a pudding surprise for the guard in the morning when they open up the cell."

"Sam," Carly scolded. "How are you even going to get it? I mean, it's not going to be like you can sneak back in and get the camera back."

"Yeah, but I figure I'll be back there again sometime," Sam explained, completely seriously. "I can probably bribe the guard to give it back to me with a fat cake."

"Uh huh," Carly muttered knowingly. "And 'fat cake' doesn't happen to be code for 'beat the crud out of him', right?"

"Of course not," Sam replied in fake-shock. "Jeez, for my best friend, you sure have little faith in me."

"So says the one who was in jail," Carly remarked. "Look, let's just get out of here before they see us."

"Hey," Sam held her hand out to stop Carly. "Who's the boy?"

"Oh, that's Freddie," Carly replied. "He's a friend, too. Well, sorta."

Freddie, for his part, was frozen in his spot. "Eeep!"

Sam walked up to him, giving him a quick glance. "Hmm," she muttered, before turning to Carly. "Not worth it. Let's go!"

Carly gave Freddie a sympathetic smile as she watched Sam bolt towards the fence on the compound. "Better than a wedgie, right?"

Freddie stuck his tongue out as the two followed Sam out of juvie.

* * *

Carly, Freddie and Sam entered the Bushwell Plaza twenty minutes later. Freddie was doing his best to keep Carly between himself and Sam, though Sam was keeping true to her word: Freddie really didn't seem to be worth it for the blonde troublemaker.

"I think I saw a box of fat cakes in the stu…uhh, 3rd floor," Carly said, gaining an eyebrow raise from both of her friends. "That's probably enough to last you until we figure this out, Sam."

Catching Sam's drool-face, Carly retracted. "Or at least if we figure this out in a couple hours."

"Are you sure you want to keep her here?" Freddie asked, stopping in the middle of the lobby with a worried glance at Sam.

"I told you," Sam started, an eye roll and hint of a smile at the young geek. "Carly says you're a friend, even if you are a nub, so I'll go easy on you, okay?"

Freddie shot Sam a look. "Yeah, well…For you, going easy might be chopping off my legs and juggling them."

Sam raised her eyebrows, giving Carly a look. "Can I?"

"NO!" Carly yelled, taking Sam by the arm and dragging her towards the stairs. "Jeez, I swear you guys are worse now!"

"AAAAR…QUIET!" Lewbert yelled from the doorway of his office. "BLAAAAAARGERRG!"

Lewbert slammed the door shut again loudly, leaving the three teens staring in surprise after him.

"I guess it's too much to ask for Lewbert to be a nice fella, isn't it?" Carly asked rhetorically, leading the way up the stairs.

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Sam raised her eyebrow at Carly as they walked through the hallway of the 8th floor. "A short angel…"

"Mitch," Carly cut in.

"Mitch," Sam repeated, "Made your wish for your artist-nutcake brother to be normal come true, and now your brother is a normal boring old guy who's in a relationship with the nub's neurotic mother?"

"Yup, pretty much," Carly nodded casually. Freddie, on the other hand, was at the boiling point.

"She's not neurotic!" He hissed, glaring at Sam with a finger wagging at her. "At least, not usually."

Carly shrugged. "He's right," she conceded. "His mother doesn't seem as neurotic as normal. But a not so crazy Mrs. Benson is hardly worth…"

Carly opened the door to her apartment and froze when she saw Spencer and the aforementioned Mrs. Benson in the kitchen, _baking_. Acting quickly before either noticed the group, Carly closed the door silently.

"What the yutz?" She whispered to her two friends. "Why would normal Spencer be cooking at…" Carly looked at her watch. "1:30 in the morning!"

"Oh, yeah," Freddie smiled thinly at Carly. "I, uh, forgot to mention that mom always makes sure Spencer cooks the next day's meals before he goes to bed."

"Heh, not neurotic my butt," Sam commented with a chuckle.

Sam and Freddie dissolved into an argument as Carly pushed the two into Freddie's apartment.

"Guys," Carly tried unsuccessfully to get their attention. "GUYS!" she shouted after a deep breath, the results more to her liking.

"Alright," Sam replied, trying to unplug her ears.

"What?" Freddie asked in annoyance, glaring at Carly.

Carly, for her part, was fishing through her pockets, not paying attention to the objections. "Where are my keys? I can't find my keys!"

"Uh, Spencer never gave you any keys," Freddie said, as if it should have been completely obvious.

"No ke…how the heck am I supposed to get into the apartment at night, then?" she asked with a glare.

"Uh, you don't leave it at night?" Freddie asked sweetly, earning a snarl of frustration from Carly.

"Please tell me the elevator still works," Carly asked, giving Freddie a look.

"Uh," Freddie stalled. Sam, meanwhile, was chuckling at the two.

"Dude, you're losing it Carls," she commented with a grin.

"What'd you just call me?" Carly asked with a somewhat hopeful look.

"What?" Sam asked in confusion. "'Carls'?"

"Yeah, you always called me that," Carly commented, an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, well," Sam shrugged nonchalantly. "It seemed natural."

"Well, anyway," Carly continued, giving Sam a smug look. "You'd be losing it too if your brother was in the other room with a creep of a woman and between you and fat cakes…"

"Fat cakes!" Sam cut her off, entering hysterics. "I _need_ fat cakes!" She said, grabbing a hold of Freddie.

"Ahh!" he screeched in fear. "Help!"

Carly, for her part, quickly got in between the two to keep Sam from breaking Freddie into a scattering of pieces, not to mention before Freddie's wails attracted the National Guard.

"Freddie will go get them," she said, giving him a "_really?_" glare off the groan of disapproval. "What, you'd rather get beat to a pulp from a fat cake-less Sam?"

"Well, almost," Freddie retorted after being released from Sam's death grip, dusting himself off. "And if my mom sees me up at this hour, I'm never going to hear the end of it."

"Well, then you'll just have to be quiet, won't you?" Carly replied, pushing him back out the door.

* * *

TBC

* * *

_A/N: Alright! Two in the books! It'll probably be another week (that would be the end of the first week of August, 2010, for those reading this historic piece of work in the far off future) before the next update is posted._

_As for some loose ends to tie up, I'm sure there's a few people noticing some issues, so I will look to explain them somewhat here. Keep in mind, as I said in the first chapter, that I'm trying to keep this as much in the spirit of the real show, so a lot of logic is being suspended for the sake of plot development, so try and live with it._

_So, first off, the breaking out of jail. Yes, I realize it's highly unreasonable for Juvie's to have patrolling guards (or at least that's what I imagine), but this is fiction. It happens all the time! As well, some people are probably wondering about the incompetence. Does anyone remember Carl and Spanky? If not, just go with it._

_Secondly, I understand the times are somewhat all over the place. The first chapter should probably be late evening by the episode's timeline, but for here, lets just pretend it was morning, okay? So Carly "had a nap" at 10am, returned home at about 4pm (late afternoon), goes to break Sam out at around 9pm and gets back home around 1:30am. I know there's a lot of lost time there. I didn't feel like filling it in, 'cause I had no idea what Carly should be doing. The 1:30am was because that's what time it was when I wrote that scene. And now I'm blathering on. No one's probably even reading anymore…_

_So I'll make the rest of this quick: The references:_

_Pop-Culture References: Just 1_

_In-Show References: 2_

_Good luck!_

_That's it, thankfully._

_Happy reading!_


	3. How To Breed Insanity

_A/N: Alright, congrats on braving the fic to this point. Either you have no taste, or you really enjoy crap._

_Seriously, though, I hope everyone enjoys this piece. I think it and the next one are the best chapters in the story. And yes, that does mean I've finished both, but I'm going to let the suspense build for a few days, so don't expect another post for a little while. I'm not _that_ evil, though, so don't worry about it being too long._

_Anyway, that's the boring part of this note. Now for the fun stuff:_

_I had considered keeping this under wraps until it was out in the open, so to speak, but I've decided it'd be a disservice to anyone reading (I now know I have at least two…yay) to keep it quiet. _

_That secret is: This is a CarlyxSam fic. Yes. _That_ kind of fic. If you're not into that, leave now and forever hold your peace._

_I decided on this for 2 reasons; one is the fic didn't work without a pairing, so I had to take one (CarlyxFreddie would have felt forced, and SamxFreddie would have felt wrong). The other is that I just am intrigued by their relationship, and think it's an interesting plot._

_I also wrote myself three rules for the fic in regards to the pairing:_

_Make it like any other relationship, which breeds the following two:_

_No mention of sexual identity, or any negative feelings based solely on it._

_No kissing to reveal feelings, since that always feels like a cop-out._

_So that's about it. Sorry if this spoils a bit of the fun, but I feel those upset from the spoilers will probably be easier to deal with than those finding out about the pairing beforehand._

_Now go enjoy the update!_

Disclaimer: Dan seems to be above suing children, so if anyone asks, I'm 5 years old, okay? Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Just read!

Legend: _Italics are thoughts, _except when_ single _words_._

Summary: Freddie is entering the belly of the beast, and we're not talking about Sam. Will he get eaten alive? And will Carly find a way back to normality? Read on and find out!

* * *

**iFix It Myself: An iChristmas Extended Episode Fic**

**By:**

**David Armstrong, AKA Leafsdude**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3: How To Breed Insanity**

Freddie opened the front door slightly, taking a quick look in. Seeing his mom and Spencer, he quickly darted his head back out, closing the door again. Turning around, his back on the door, he took a deep breath. He remembered what happened last year, and sighed. He turned back around, took another breath, and pushed the door open wide.

He heard a slight squeak from the door and cursed Spencer for his lack of workmanship skills. His eyes wide, he waited for either of the adults to notice him.

"I don't want to make ice cream cookies in the oven, Uncle Barry," Spencer muttered in a haze.

"You'll do as I say or no egg shells in the morning," Mrs. Benson replied through a yawn.

Freddie rolled his eyes, sneaking past the two adults up the stairs. He quickly got to work finding the fat cakes before the crazy Sam went just a little more crazy.

* * *

Meanwhile, Carly and Sam waited patiently for his return.

"When's that boy coming back," Sam snarled once more as she paced in a circle.

"Will you calm down?" Carly asked in her most commanding voice. "He's been gone for thirty seconds!"

"Yeah, easy for you to say when you're standing in a nub's apartment with nothing but spinach and asparagus in the fridge," Sam muttered in frustration.

"He'll be back in a few minutes, I'm sure with enough fat cakes to last us until we figure out what to do," Carly tried again. "Or at least until you pound Freddie with his mother's mallet."

"She has a mallet?" Sam asked, perking up. On Carly's incredulous look, she shrugged. "What's the deal with Freddie, anyway? I mean, I get why we were friends, but _him_?"

"Oh, he's not that bad," Carly retorted with a smile. On Sam's look, she shrugged. "He has a crush on me. It kinda ended up that he was following us around, and we needed a tech guy, and we've been hanging out together since."

"Oh, c'mon," Sam looked at Carly strangely. "I wouldn't last a month without getting sent back to juvie 'cause of him."

"No, really," Carly replied in all seriousness. "I mean, sometimes I have to hold you back a little, but the worst you do to him is squirt cheese in his face and call him names."

"Mmm, cheese," Sam mumbled. "Speaking of names, what's the whole 'Carls' deal?" Sam segued.

"Well, I was kinda thinking that maybe…" Carly paused for a moment. "Maybe you were playing a trick on me."

"What? Really?" Sam smiled. "I didn't think you thought so highly of my work. But no. I can do a lot of stuff, but getting someone to think their insane-o brother was normal, I don't think so."

"Yeah, I know," Carly agreed.

"So…" Sam trailed off for a moment. "What else did I call you?"

Carly's eyes shot up in surprise. "What?"

"I called you Carls," Sam repeated. "Was that it?"

"Oh," Carly shrugged. "You called me cupcake a few times."

"Cupcake?" Sam snickered. "I must really like you, then."

"Hey," Carly looked at Sam with a smile. "You used the present tense!"

"So?" Sam asked, confused.

"You like me," Carly replied in an "I-told-you-so" voice.

"Maybe a little," Sam conceded after stuttering for a moment.

"Take that, Mitch," Carly said smugly at the ceiling. "Sam's my best friend again…"

"Only friend," Sam corrected with a little worried glance at Carly.

"And Freddie still loves me," Carly added happily. At least that much was right again.

"Now all you have to do is make Spencer all wacko again," Sam answered with a laugh.

"That's it!" Carly exclaimed, a plan quickly formulating in her head. She rushed over and gave Sam a hug.

Sam, for her part, was uncertain what was going through Carly's head. "Uhh…What?"

"If I can make Spencer realise his not-normal side again, maybe that'll make everything go back to normal," Carly said excitedly.

"But didn't you wish for him to be _born _normal?" Sam asked, sceptical.

"Yes, but…" Carly trailed off, thinking. "When I asked him to make spaghetti tacos, he didn't act like they were that weird. Like he knew what they were. And I hurt his shoulder. The one that he hurt when he almost blew up Ridgeway with his school art show sculpture. That was when dad told him that he probably should give up his artist dream 'cause dad was worried he'd hurt himself if he didn't."

"So maybe Spencer wasn't born normal?" Sam asked, rolling her eyes. "Figures that the ad was wrong. But he's a lawyer. How do you think you can make him all _crazy_ again?"

"Splatter Man!" Carly said gleefully, the pieces falling into place.

"What?" Sam asked. Carly _seemed_ to know exactly what she was talking about, but Sam still couldn't help but feel she'd walked into the middle of a Pee-Wee's Playhouse episode.

"It was an art thing he did," Carly tried to explain. "He had a plaster sculpture, and we threw paint on it."

"'Threw'?" Sam knotted her eyebrows in confusion.

"Yeah," Carly nodded. "We dipped our hands in paint and threw it onto the plaster. Most of his sculptures were crazy, but he was still completely serious about them. Like, he obsessed over them and was very precise on what he wanted, even to the smallest part. But with Splatter Man, it was like he was 17 again and I was 5. It was all about the fun and randomness. It's gotta make Spencer drop the whole lawyer thing."

"That does sound like fun," Sam agreed. "Can I help?"

"Sure," Carly said happily. "We should all do it. It's a lot better when others do it with you. But don't do it when your dad's clothes are in the room and you're using pen ink. He won't like it."

"So what do we do?" Sam asked.

"Well, we'll need some plaster," Carly said. "I can get a mold for the sculpture from the art store. I hope it's still there. Spencer was pretty much their only customer."

"I can get the paint," Sam interrupted.

"Sam, you're not stealing paint for me," Carly scolded, shaking her head.

"Who said I'd be stealing it?" Sam asked innocently. Carly just rolled her eyes.

At that moment, Freddie returned, dragging in a box full of fat cakes. Before he was all the way through the door, Sam pushed him out of the way and into the apartment, grabbing a couple handfuls of the contents.

"Hey!" Freddie protested to no avail. Before he could say anything more, Carly walked up beside him.

"She won't hear you," she said. "How'd you get that past your mom and Spencer?"

"They're barely awake," Freddie answered, pausing to look back at Sam for a moment before turning back to Carly. "I just hope they don't start a fire again like last year."

"Hey, nub," Sam piped up between bites. Freddie turned back towards the blonde, and was rewarded with a fat cake shoved into his mouth despite his mumbled objections.

"Don't worry, she likes you," Carly tried to comfort Freddie, patting his shoulder. "She doesn't waste food to torture just anyone."

Sam smiled in agreement, chewing on another fat cake.

* * *

"Oh, come on, that's cheating!" Mitch yelled to no one in particular.

"She's a smart one," Booming Voice answered calmly.

"But that's no fair," Mitch replied in annoyance. "They're not supposed to know the changes aren't complete. I hate false advertising!"

"Hey, sometimes you gotta change…" Booming Voice was cut off before he could finish,

"…'the rules in the middle of the game', yeah, yeah, I've heard the shtick before," Mitch commented, aggravated. "Just tell me you're going somewhere with this."

"You know as well as I do that I have no clue where this is going," Booming Voice scolded. "If I did, why would I watch it?"

"Makes sense," Mitch replied. "Alright, but if this starts to go crazy, I'm leaving."

"Don't worry; it won't go that far," Booming Voice replied again.

"You're darn right it won't," Mitch muttered.

"I heard that," Booming Voice shot back, annoyed.

"Eeep!" Mitch shrieked.

* * *

Carly filled Freddie in on their plan as Sam continued to chow down the fat cakes from the box. He was able to help with the plaster problem, though not without his objections, when he revealed he had some for a science project that he was working on.

They each slept very badly that night. Carly was, of course, worried about whether her plan would work, as well as the ick factor of Spencer and Freddie's mom as an item.

Sam, meanwhile, was sleeping on Freddie's couch, with Carly unwilling to even try dragging her into and back out of the loft around Spencer and Mrs. Benson. Freddie assured both that the latter was not going to be heading back to their apartment that night, instead most likely spending it on the Shay couch. Despite the high level living conditions compared to her normal situation, Sam still slept fitfully, dreaming about, as odd as it seemed to her, a monster that kept eating her soup.

Freddie, himself, refused to sleep in the same dwelling as Sam, even with her insisting she wouldn't try anything. With the couch taken, Freddie was forced to sleep in the attic on a small chair. Beyond the uncomfortable 'bed', sleeping just a few steps away from Carly hung in his mind throughout the night.

Despite their fatigue, the three worked hard on getting everything ready for that night after they reassembled in Freddie's apartment, all the while keeping Spencer and Mrs. Benson unaware about Sam or their plan.

Finally, as Carly put the finishing touches on the plaster model, she gave Freddie, with blankets to cover the floors, and Sam, with the paint cans, the signal to begin to bring everything into the Shay loft.

As Carly followed with the yet-to-be-splattered Splatter Man on wheels, she spotted Spencer at the kitchen table sipping on a glass of lemonade, unaware of the intruders.

With everything in place, Sam and Freddie moved behind Carly, waiting for her to make the next move. Sam's impatience wore characteristically thin as she turned to the other girl.

"That _is_ Spencer, right?" she asked in a louder voice than one would expect from anyone else.

Carly rolled her eyes and simply nodded. Spencer, meanwhile, went into a coughing fit from his surprise.

"Carly, Freddie…" Spencer trailed off on a mixture of an additional coughing fit and unfamiliarity with Sam. "Who's your new friend?"

"That's Sam," Freddie spoke up smugly before Carly could stop him. "Carly's _best friend_."

"Sam?" Spencer asked in surprise, turning towards the person in question, unease evident in his posture.

"Hey, I recognise you," Sam commented in realization, taking a step forward. "You're that guy…"

"You called my art _stupid_!" Spencer exclaimed in fury.

"Hey!" Sam paused in surprise. "I was eight. Everything's stupid at that age."

Carly and Freddie gave Sam a strange look, unable to back up the comment.

"Well, everything to me was," she amended with a shrug.

"Wait," Carly finally broke in, catching Spencer's attention. "I thought you didn't want me hanging out with Sam because she was a 'bad influence'. That was just an excuse, wasn't it?"

"Maybe," Spencer sulked.

"And Sam loves your art," Carly continued, catching Sam's eyes.

"Yeah, sure," Sam said in disinterest, shrugging at Carly's incredulous look. "In fact, we wanted to ask you to help us with our school art project."

"Art project?" Spencer asked in surprise. "I didn't know you were taking art, Carly."

"It's an extra-curricular class," Carly fibbed quickly. "So will you?"

"Carly, you know I don't do art anymore," Spencer replied in his typical fashion.

"I know but…" Carly trailed off, at a loss.

"It's due tomorrow and we need as many hands as we can get," Sam broke in on cue.

"How come you're not already done it?" Spencer asked Carly in surprise.

"Oh, well," Carly paused. "You know. Sam's kinda…irresponsible, I guess. But at least she's helping _now_."

Freddie, for his part, was smirking. "_Irresponsible _indeed," he said quietly, earning him a swift, painful kick in the shin from Sam that went unnoticed by everyone else. "Ahhh!"

"So, you'll help?" Carly asked Spencer again.

"Alright," he sighed. "But I should take my tie off, first."

"You really should," Sam agreed quickly, shrugging at Carly's glare. "What? It's horrible!"

"Hey, I'll have you know I spent..." Spencer started, before being interrupted.

"Spencer, just take off your tie," Carly said bossily. "And Sam, no more comments about Spencer's tastes, even if they are kinda strange."

Both complied, moving so they were in front of the plaster sculpture.

"So, what are we doing?" Spencer asked, looking at Carly.

"Oh, nothing crazy," Carly smirked. "Just randomly throwing paint on that sculpture."

"Oh…where's the brushes?" Spencer questioned, looking around.

"Brushes are for wimps," Carly replied, holding her hands up. "We use these."

Spencer stood ridged, taking a step back. "Wait, what?"

"Oh, c'mon," Freddie said, opening a blue paint can. "It's art."

"Yeah, look," Sam said, dipping her hand into some orange paint before flinging it towards the sculpture. "It's fun!"

Carly quickly joined in, quickly adding in her own green and purple colours to go with Sam's orange.

As the three continued with their throwing, interrupted periodically with amused laughter, Spencer finally gave in. Opening the red paint can, he looked at it warily.

"Well, Mr. Paint Can, I guess it's just between you and my digits," he said to it as he cautiously dipped his fingers in. Flinging it at the sculpture, he couldn't help but let a small smirk escape after hearing the solid smack of contact.

Eventually, the four dissolved into uncoordinated throwing of paint and hysterical laughter of enjoyment, led mostly by Spencer.

Just as they started to wind down, feeling that the sculpture was adequately covered, and that Spencer was reasonably weirdified, Mrs. Benson walked in.

"Hey, why don't I smell…?" she started, before trailing off in shock. "What is going on?"

"Oh, hey Mrs. Benson," Carly said cheerfully, turning back to her paint can, which was now mostly empty.

"Spencer," Mrs. Benson huffed. "You know I expect dinner to be ready at exactly 8pm!"

"Oh," Spencer shrugged. "Sorry."

In annoyance, she turned to Freddie and Carly. "Fredward Benson and Carlotta Shay! What do you think you're doing?"

"Uhh, painting?" Freddie responded, timidly. For her part, Carly was not handling it as well.

"Hey," she said sassily. "_No one_ calls me that."

Mrs. Benson glared at Carly. Before she could make any more commands, there was a knock at the door.

"Who's there?" Mrs. Benson asked through the door, still annoyed.

"We're the police," a male voice answered back authoritatively. "We have a search warrant for a Samantha Puckett."

The three teens looked at each other in surprise and horror.

"I'm sorry, I don't think…" Mrs. Benson started as she opened the door.

"NO, DON'T OPEN IT!" Carly yelled too late, as the two officers walked in and spotted Sam.

"Carly," Spencer asked slowly, turning to his sister. "Was Sam in juvie?"

"Uhh," Carly didn't get a chance to respond.

"Put your hands where I can see them," one of them said to the teens.

Carly and Freddie looked at each other, and then at Sam, the worry plain and obvious on their faces.

_Great_, Carly thought with a sigh.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

_A/N: Ooo, that's probably the best cliff-hanger I've made. Well, at least for one that doesn't involve anyone dying._

_Nothing really needs to be explained here. Most plot holes are pretty well covered, including how Spencer's actually still quite crazy. He's just hiding it better. I know there's not really a why, but if you really need one, feel free to make one up in your head. I might add something in to officially explain it later if I can._

_So that's about it. Just the final piece: References!_

_Pop-Culture: Got kinda lazy here, ending up with none._

_In-Show: 4…yes, count them…FOUR. There are 3 in the space of 7 paragraphs._

_Have fun, and happy reading!_


	4. The Chase Is On

_A/N: Okay, I've tortured you all enough. Of course, I'm going to do some more here, but that's just the trick of the trade. Just trust me when I say you'll get your ending._

_This is the first time here that we'll be starting a chapter in the middle of a scene, so if anyone has memory issues, you'd probably want to go back and read at least the last couple of scenes of the last chapter so you don't go nuts trying to figure out what's going on._

_I think that's pretty much all there is to say. No funny words of advice or odd self-deprecating thoughts to expand this random blurb of author thoughts along that generally are only meant to delay your chance at reading the fic, and that most of you probably scroll over and…I'm doing it again._

_Sorry…_

Disclaimer: Dan seems to be above suing children, so if anyone asks, I'm 5 years old, okay? Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Just read!

Legend: _Italics are thoughts, _except when_ single _words_._

Summary: The Cops are here to take Sam away. What are they gonna do? And was it really that easy to weirdify Spencer? Find out by reading on…Do it, now!

* * *

**iFix It Myself: An iChristmas Extended Episode Fic**

**By:**

**David Armstrong, AKA Leafsdude**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 4: The Chase Is On**

Carly and Freddie slowly raised their arms in compliance, but Sam just looked at the pair in indifference.

"Whatever," she shrugged, waiting for them to move in.

However, they never did move. At all.

"Hey, umm," Freddie piped up uncertainly as the moments dragged on, hands still raised. "Are they, like, frozen or something?"

Carly, for her part, looked around as she dropped her hands back to her side, and noticed Mrs. Benson and Spencer weren't moving either. "Uh, I think everything is."

Suddenly, a loud cough filled the air. "Uh, sorry about that. Got kinda sidetracked. Hello kids."

Sam, Carly and Freddie looked at each other in worry.

"Who are you?" Carly finally asked, fear clearly etched in her voice as she looked around. "And where are you?"

"My, that's hardly a nice greeting," the loud, booming voice retorted with authority.

The three once more exchanged looks before Carly once more spoke up.

"Uhh, hello?" she half-asked. Upon the other's delays, and the continued quiet, she shot them each a look.

"Hi?" Freddie asked with a "what the…?" shrug.

"Umm, hello?" Sam joined in, looking around for anyone to attach the voice to.

"That's better," Booming Voice said happily.

"So what's the deal?" Carly asked after further silence.

"Oh, umm, I guess I should field that one," said a softer, singular voice from behind Sam.

As they turned towards the location, all three screamed in surprise, jumping back.

"Sheesh, I'm not _that_ small," Mitch said, shaking his head.

"Mitch," Carly said, not all too happy. "Where've you been?"

"That's Mitch?" Sam and Freddie asked at the same time, giving each other a look afterwards.

"Yes, that's…" Carly trailed off, taking her eyes away from the angel to look at her friends. "Wait, you see him, too?"

"Yes, they do," the Booming Voice answered for Sam and Freddie, causing them each to jump in surprise again.

"So, who are you?" Carly asked again, looking at Mitch. "Are you guys, like, aliens or something? 'Cause this whole 'angel' thing isn't working for me."

"We're whoever you think we are," Mitch said with a shrug.

"Oh, yeah, that narrows it down," Carly said sarcastically.

Meanwhile, Sam had become distracted, walking towards the frozen policemen. "Hey, what's the deal with…?"

"I wouldn't do that," Mitch said, appearing on the shoulder of the nearest policeman, causing Sam to shriek and pull back the hand that she'd extended. "What do you think happens when you touch something frozen in time?"

"Uhh, no idea," Sam replied with a shrug.

"Me, neither," Mitch said anti-climactically.

"So what's going on?" Carly asked again. "Why show up now?"

"Oh, well," Mitch paused uncomfortably.

"We've been waiting," Booming Voice cut in.

"Waiting for what?" Freddie spoke up finally, stepping up beside Carly.

"For something bad to happen," Mitch replied.

"What do you mean?" Carly asked in surprise. "Sam's going back to jail, so what?"

"Hey!" Sam said in shock.

"Oh, you know I love you," Carly replied quickly, turning back to Mitch. Sam's look of shock transformed into something entirely different for a moment before she shrugged it off. "Sam going to jail is bad, I know. But she was in jail before. Isn't it just the universe setting itself right?"

"Um, Carly?" Freddie spoke up, catching her eye. "I think, uh, that it's not just Sam going to back to juvie."

"You helped her escape," Mitch confirmed with a nod. "You're the only one that visited Sam in jail, so they know it was you."

"Oh," Carly mumbled.

"So why can we see you?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, and why didn't you just send Carly back?" Freddie added, looking warily at Mitch.

"Oh, well," Mitch shrugged. "See, usually when a wish is granted, the person just tries to reverse the wish on their own, and eventually they get what they were supposed to learn, and that's it."

"But Carly here," Booming Voice continued. "She did more than that. Most people care about their friends when they see them, but they usually don't care so much to want to be their friends in a different world. Sam and Freddie, your lives are so much better after what Carly did for you two. She couldn't stand not having either of you as a friend more than she couldn't stand being in this different world."

"So, unlike most times, when the person making the wish learns the only lesson," Mitch jumped in again. "This time, you two learned things, too. It wouldn't be right to let that go to waste."

"Wait," Sam spoke up. "You're going to send us to Carly's world?"

Carly shook her head in confusion. "Wow, this whole thing is making my head spin."

"Yeah," Freddie agreed. "But wait. What will happen to us here?"

"Oh, well, you see," Mitch scratched his head nervously. "None of this really happened. When we put everything back, this world will return to where it was before this Carly showed up, and it will continue on the same path."

"So none of us really exist?" Sam asked in confusion.

"Only the memories do," Booming Voice responded. "They're all that happened."

"Oh, that's fun," Carly said, rolling her eyes. "I'm not really here."

"Well, lets do this, then," Mitch said after a moment.

Carly, Sam and Freddie looked at each other before nodding. The three closed their eyes, as the whoosh from the wind rushed passed their ears.

* * *

Carly opened her eyes after the wind died down, and found herself inches away from Bottle Bot's red eyes.

"Aaaaaah!" she screamed in surprise, taking a step back. Instead of the flat surface she expected, though, she found nothing but air, causing her to stumble backwards, unable to compensate for the steps that were actually there.

Before she passed the point of no return, she felt a hand grasp hers, steadying her. Regaining her balance, she found herself looking at…

"Spencer!" Carly yelled, hugging her brother tightly.

"Hey, kid," Spencer answered in confusion as Carly broke the hug. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Umm," suddenly, Carly realized she had no idea what day it was, let alone the time. Taking a quick look at her watch, she found it was 11:33am. It was also still the same day when everything started, December 19th. "It's after 11:30."

"Oh. I guess I, uh, slept in," Spencer stuttered.

"Yeah, it's a good thing I don't…uh, didn't need to go to school today, otherwise I would have…" Carly paused for a moment, working up as innocent a look as she could. "Woken you up earlier."

"Careful there, little Carly Shay," Spencer teased lightly. "I might make you go to school on the last Friday before Christmas break if you keep humouring me like that."

Carly gasped mockingly. "You wouldn't!"

"Sure I wouldn't," Spencer shrugged with a smile.

Carly grinned back, before noticing the magnetic Christmas tree still where she'd last seen it.

"Hey, you didn't get rid of it?" Carly asked, curiously, a smile etching her features.

"Well, it was 3 o'clock," Spencer shrugged uncertainly. Didn't Carly hate the tree?

"I didn't mean what I said," Carly offered after a pause, catching Spencer's awkwardness. "I love that tree. It's totally you, and I don't want to you be anyone but you."

"Okay," Spencer shook his head in confusion. "Then I will?"

Carly rolled her eyes. "Why don't you go get the ornaments?"

"Sure," Spencer agreed, bounding towards the elevator.

"Uh, Spence?" Carly spoke up before he could hit the 'down' button.

"Yeah?" Spencer queried, looking back.

"You're wearing your PJs," she commented, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh," Spencer looked down. "I'll go change."

"Yeah," Carly agreed.

As Spencer ran into his room, Freddie peered around the corner of the stairs.

"Psst! Carly!" he whispered.

"Freddie!" Carly yelled, running up to give him a huge hug. "How are you? What happened? Do you remember?"

"Whoa, slow down," Freddie requested as Carly broke the hug. "Yeah. I was hooking up this new server. You gotta check it out! It's got…"

"Yeah…no one cares," Carly said impatiently. "What happened next?"

"I don't know," Freddie shrugged. "There was this wind thing, probably from Mitch, and then there was all this stuff, it was like I had a dream of a couple days I never lived."

"So it really did happen," Carly said, eyes slightly bulging.

"That or we're suffering from shared hallucinations," Freddie agreed. "It's weird, though. Trying to separate myself from them."

"We should find Sam," Carly commented.

"Yeah," Freddie nodded. "Before she gets herself back in juvie."

Carly grabbed her jacket, and opened the door, turning back to wait for Freddie to follow. Instead, Freddie was looking up towards the stairs. A moment later, a flash of blonde came flying down, shoes on the wood causing a huge racket. After a quick look at Freddie, and a slightly longer one at Carly, Sam bolted again, running through the door and out without a second glance.

"Was that…?" Carly started, eyebrows raised from the weirdness.

"Sam, I think?" Freddie finished in equal confusion. "Maybe she got a text from Wendy that they were selling dollar hams again."

Carly laughed slightly. "Maybe."

Suddenly, Spencer returned in proper dress, hurrying to the elevator and pressing the "down" button. Without so much as a look at Carly or Freddie, he was heading down to the storage room.

"Man, he loves ornaments," Carly commented.

"Why did I find it strange that he wasn't wearing a tie?" Freddie asked, staring at the closed elevator door in confusion.

Carly shrugged, opening the door again.

"You stay here and help Spencer with the tree," she commanded to Freddie, reaching for the door.

"Wait, where're you going?" Freddie asked, confused.

"To find out where Sam went," Carly said, as if it was obvious. "You keep Spencer busy, and let him know I'll be back soon."

Before Freddie could respond, Carly was out the door.

"Sure, I'll help the artist with decorating a tree," Freddie said sarcastically as the door shut. "What fun."

"Freddie! Time for your tick bath!" Mrs. Benson called loudly from his apartment.

Quickly, Freddie locked the door. "Then again, it can't be _that_ bad."

* * *

_A/N: Okay, the length sucks, I know. But I hate leaving on non-cliff-hangers (evil, I know), so live with it._

_Anyway. In case you missed it, I kinda fixed a plot hole here, in that it was weird for Carly to be going to school during a Christmas special, and then even weirder when she didn't seem to be going to school at all in the normal universe. So I decided to simply make Spencer basically give Carly the last day before Christmas vacation off every year as a tradition. Fixes the problem, since a Spencer who's normal (or trying to be) would probably make Carly go to school anyway…_

_So yeah._

_No real references (mostly running gags, really). I'm sure everyone's majorly disappointed._

_Oh, uh…Sarcasm alert there._

_But if anyone really was disappointed, it'll be worth it for the next chapter. It should be posted by the end of the week._

_That should be all._

_Happy reading!_


	5. Irony

_A/N: Now the fun begins._

_First off, yes, I know a lot of this is kinda off when it comes to tone, but I felt I needed to break from structure a bit to get the feelings across. I still think it keeps enough with the tone of the show to be cool, but gives a unique perspective to the characters. And now I'm just trying to impress you with long words…_

_So be warned of unintentional mushiness (or intentional, for that matter) and a couple of 'aww' moments, which may or may not fit into the former._

_I'm still deciding if I should go with one more chapter and a epilogue, or to split it into a pair of chapters and then put in the wrap-up after. Any of you regular readers, feel free to express your wishes._

_So, on with chapter 5!_

Disclaimer: Dan seems to be above suing children, so if anyone asks, I'm 5 years old, okay? Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Just read!

Legend: _Italics are thoughts, _except when_ single _words_._

Summary: Back in the real world, Sam is acting crazy. Or not so crazy. Can Freddie solve what Carly is unable to figure out? And how exactly does someone like Sam vent their negative emotions? Oh yeah, this is going to be fun!

* * *

**iFix It Myself: An iChristmas Extended Episode Fic**

**By:**

**David Armstrong, AKA Leafsdude**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 5: Irony**

Carly was worried.

Despite what Freddie said, she knew it wasn't as simple as cheap meat that had Sam in such a hurry. The look upon her face was one of troubled worry, not the excitement and anticipation that the prospect of meat brought to her eyes.

So, immediately, Carly knew that she would be heading home. Despite all the unsavoury and disturbed moments she described about her mom, and the long history of sleeping over at the Shay's place, Carly still knew that Sam's home was her last sanctuary when things were troubling. No one else in her life, except the rare times with Spencer, could she share the relief of destruction with besides her mother.

With that in mind, Carly caught the next bus heading to the Puckett household, knowing that, despite all her laziness, Sam still had excellent running stamina, and would be home in a matter of minutes. It was also in her best interest to hold off for a while until the smashing and bashing was done. She'd learnt that the hard way.

That was probably why Carly was so surprised to see everything from her last visit still intact when she walked into the small one-story bungalow Sam reluctantly, though affectionately, called home. Like Spencer, Sam's mom had an open door policy for Sam's friends, which amounted to only Carly.

"Hello Carly," Carly heard from the back room.

"Hey Mrs. Puckett," she replied cheerfully, heading to Sam's room.

With the door closed, Carly gave it a light rapping, knowing it would most likely be locked. After not even a subtle sign of movement from within, Carly sighed, pulling out her cellphone. Setting it so that it appeared to come from her mother's cell, a trick Freddie had taught her, she quickly typed out a message: _Sam, ham's here! Come and get it!_

Hitting send, she wasn't surprised to hear the door unlocked and opened in less than 3 seconds.

"Uhhh," Sam stuttered, looking quite stunned, like a deer in the headlights, and every other cliché one could think of. And was she blushing a bit?

"You know, if I really was your mom, I woulda just yelled through the door, yeah?" Carly offered with a smile, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

"Uhhh," Sam repeated, expression unchanged.

"Well?" Carly asked, waving her hand in front of Sam's stationary eyes, uncertain as to whether her reaction was involuntary or if she was, ahem, hamming it up. "Let me in already."

"Uh huh," Sam muttered, finally blinking herself out of her shock. Standing aside to let Carly in, she quickly closed her eyes as she silently berated herself for it.

Carly, for her part, was unaware of this reaction, sitting down on Sam's bed before returning her gaze to her best friend. "Come sit down already."

"Okay," Sam shrugged with a fake smile. She finally managed to gain enough control of her mouth to create a coherent sentence. "What are you doing here?" She asked as she sat a couple inches further away from Carly than normal.

"Umm, do you not remember what happened?" Carly asked, now wondering if something had happened.

"Oh no, I remember," Sam answered. _Why'd you tell her that?_ She asked herself in worry.

"Oh, then why no 'pin the sledgehammer on the insert object here'?" Carly asked with a silly grin on her face.

"What?" Sam asked, truly taken aback.

"Well, I thought," Carly paused, making sure she phrased this right. "Well, everything that happened, you getting worked up over that wouldn't be the strangest…thing ever."

"Oh, no, I actually feel oddly spent," Sam paused, quickly rolling her eyes. "I mean, they're supposed to just be memories or something, but all that mayhem…it's relaxing."

"Oh," Carly was undoubtedly surprised. "I guess that makes sense. But then what with all the running?"

"Umm," Sam stalled for a moment, her eyes searching desperately. "Oh, hey, look: Mr. Piggles! You probably want him back already."

"Sam," Carly scolded, rolling her eyes.

"C'mon, don't do that," Sam muttered uncomfortably.

"Why not?" Carly asked worriedly. It'd never seemed to bug Sam before. At least not this much.

"'Cause I can't do anything when you put that 'stop being a delinquent' tone on my name," Sam sighed. "It's kinda annoying."

"No, it's not," Carly replied with conviction, causing Sam to roll her eyes.

"Alright, maybe not, but I like to have a little control sometimes," Sam shrugged.

"So you," Carly paused to raise her eyebrows in surprise. "You don't want to tell me?"

"No, it's not that, it's just," Sam paused, closing her eyes to consider her thoughts. She never really cared about what she said to everyone, unless that 'everyone' was Carly. "I'm not entirely sure about what it is myself, at least not yet."

"Oh," Carly replied, still a bit surprised.

"But if I do, you'll be the first to know," Sam quickly continued, catching the slight bit of hurt in Carly's features. "Deal?"

Carly thought on this a moment, then shook her head. "If you're that confused, you probably should talk to someone about it."

"Oh, c'mon, who am I gonna talk to?" Sam laughed in her surprise. "Fredwok? Franklin?"

"Your therapist?" Carly replied, chuckling a bit as well.

"Uh, yeah, I tell her about who I gave a wedgie to that week, and she then just spurts some psychobabble over it," Sam shook her head. "She's not exactly all that convincing."

"I'm serious, though," Carly tried again. "If you can't tell me, tell someone. For me?"

Sam sighed in defeat. "Will that get you off my back?"

"Maybe," Carly shrugged.

"I'll try," Sam finally relented, a slight smile at Carly. "Why do you have to be my conscience?"

"'Cause if I wasn't, you'd be in juvie," Carly said smugly.

"Only for one more day, Shay," Sam retorted smartly.

* * *

Carly and Sam jumped back into the camera shot.

"Alright, next on the show," Carly started, looking into Freddie's cam. "We got this interesting e-mail from Danny in Vermont. He wrote, 'hey, Carly and Sam. I love chemistry'…"

Sam jumped into the shot, pressing a button on her remote, causing a loud chorus of "NERD" to ring out.

"Sam," Carly scolded, looking at her friend dangerously, before smiling back at the camera, continuing with the e-mail. "'Any chance you would do some chemistry for your viewers on iCarly?'"

"For the record, I was totally against this," Sam commented defensively.

"Yeah, until we told you that fire could be involved," Carly retorted, rolling her eyes. "So, here's the first of a new segment called…"

A graphic appeared on the screen, along with a sound bite: "IRONIC SCHOOL WORK!"

Freddie panned the camera over to the rear of the studio, revealing a large conveyor belt complete with an empty bucket at the bottom.

"Now, you'll notice we have a contraption of some sort here," Carly mentioned.

"'Cause what fun is dropping things into buckets?" Sam asked with an eye roll.

"Well, with the rubber gloves you cut up, not a whole lot," Carly replied with a shake of her head.

"Hey, Spencer gave me the scissors, blame him," Sam said with a shrug, before picking up a jug. "Now, I'm going to fill this bucket with Sufferic acid…"

"That's 'Sulfuric'," Freddie cut off in irritation.

"Whatever," Sam replied, not caring at all as she continued to pour.

"And next, we'll take these books," Carly continued after Sam finished, holding up three books. "And show what happens when they're dropped into that bucket."

Putting the first book on the belt, she watched as it fell into the solution, quickly causing some smoking and bubbling. "That was some book by some guy called 'Brando', I think," Carly said. She then held up the other two books. "And these are 'The King and I'," she paused as the book joined the other in the solution. "And 'The Catcher In The Rye'."

Freddie zoomed in on the bowl as the three books quickly became liquid.

"And that is chemistry," Carly said with a satisfied nod.

"Oh, wait," Sam ran off, grabbing her backpack. "I forgot this other one."

Running back, Sam dumped another book onto the conveyor belt.

"What is that?" Freddie asked in surprise.

"Hey, that's…" Carly eyes widened as she looked at Sam's grinning face. "Your history text book!"

"What? I don't even go to that class," Sam said, rolling her eyes.

Carly shrugged in defeat, though she couldn't help but smile.

"Well, that's the end of this show," Carly said, walking back to the middle of the room.

"So, until next time," Sam continued, jumping down next to Carly.

"BLAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the two shouted randomly into the camera.

"And…" Freddie hit the keyboard, cutting the feed. "We're clear!"

Carly turned to Sam in disbelief. "Great. Did you have to go do that?"

"What? At least I learned _something_ from it," Sam said playfully.

"Yeah, well, now I gotta convince Spencer to give you money to buy a new one," Carly sighed.

"Oh, c'mon, you don't _have_ to," Sam argued, rolling her eyes. "I mean, I'm gonna miss the pillow, but really, the desk is good enough."

Carly shrugged, turning to leave the studio and head to the stairs. Not hearing the familiar footsteps of Sam behind her, she turned back around.

"You coming?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Uh, I thought I'd, err, help clean up here," Sam said.

"What?" Carly and Freddie both gasped as they looked sharply at Sam in surprise.

"Since when do you volunteer to help do _anything_?" Carly asked in confusion.

"I don't," Sam agreed, back peddling. "But, uh…You were probably gonna make me anyway, so…I thought I'd beat you to it this time."

Carly just shook her head as she wandered out of the room.

Sam had been doing this ever since things had returned back to normal; out of character excuses to get away when she'd been around Carly for any extended period of time. Carly again wondered what might have happened in that place that Mitch had sent her to that had Sam acting so strange.

Carly's first explanation had been that her experiences in Juvie were more severe than what she'd previously gone though, and that she really was trying to change. That was knocked down when, though he agreed Sam had not been as crazy as normal, Freddie had still caught Sam doing some pretty troublesome pranks.

Carly then began to wonder if it was herself. Maybe Sam was mad at her, or worse, hated her? Though she wished she could throw that one out the window, she still wasn't totally sure if a part of the other Sam didn't like her as much as she said. At the same time, though, Sam wasn't being mean about it. More like awkward.

In the end, Carly decided that Sam just needed space to figure out what was going on, which was pretty much what she'd said. And if that was the case, then Sam really was still Sam, nothing but sincere to Carly.

As she reached her bedroom, Carly plopped onto her bed, the confusion of her thoughts getting the best of her as she buried her head into her pillow with a frustrated moan.

"Hey! Sam, don't…No, please, not in the…AW MAN!" Carly heard Freddie yell from the studio in anguish, causing her to crack a smile in spite of her mood. If Sam was trying to reform, she was failing marvellously.

* * *

"Great, just great," Freddie muttered angrily, glaring at the smouldering puddle that was his geometry text book. He turned to Sam, pointing a finger at her. "What is wrong with you?"

Sam's glorious smile quickly evaporated, returning Freddie's glare two-fold. "Nothing's wrong with me, Frederina."

"Really?" Freddie replied, a smile of his own now threatening the corners of his mouth. "Then what's with the whole initiative thing?"

"What the heck are you talking about?" Sam asked. She ducked her head away from Freddie's stare to hide the blush she felt forming.

"Oh, c'mon," Freddie said in exasperation. "You do _not_ volunteer to clean anything up _ever._"

"Maybe I'm just tired of looking like the one taking orders," Sam retorted, though not all that convincingly.

"Yeah, right," Freddie rolled his eyes. "You're still waiting on Carly every meeting like always. You like being wrapped around her finger."

"No, I don-" Sam stopped herself suddenly. _Damn it, Puckett, since when do you hide from anything?_ She thought to herself. Forcing down the blush with her years of mastery, she looked Freddie in the eye purposely. "Alright, maybe I do. So what of it?"

Now Freddie was surprised, and a little worried. Did he push Sam too far? He looked at the door, preparing to time his run. "Uh, I don't know," he stuttered as he laughed nervously. "You tell me?"

Immediately, the aggressiveness in Sam's posture disappeared, and she sat down on the step of the back platform. She turned her head back towards Freddie, resolve firmly in place.

"You really want to know?" She asked as her eyebrows rose. She was surprised that he asked, but more so that she was willing.

"I guess," Freddie shrugged, taking a cautious seat next to Sam. "I mean, there's a few things I wouldn't mind sharing…"

"Don't push your luck, Freddie," Sam cut off, turning her head to him incredulously.

"Yeah, I didn't think so, either," Freddie agreed. "But me and Rona, that was quite messed up."

Sam cracked a smile. "Yeah, not as messed up as this," she offered.

Freddie shrugged, urging Sam to go on.

"Well, you know…it's…" Sam frowned at herself for a moment. "Okay, this is gonna sound mega weird, but…Why do you have a crush on Carly?"

"Yeah, right," Freddie finally said after a surprised pause. "You're just trying to mess with me, aren't you?"

"Freddie, just answer me," Sam said dangerously, clearly serious. Freddie froze in fear, though. Noticing his flight-or-flight expression, Sam forced herself to relax. "Hey, you know I already got enough material to last me a couple lifetimes, right?"

Freddie sighed, partly from relief, and partly from annoyance. "Well, why does anyone like Carly?"

"Well, anyone who _likes_ Carly likes her 'cause she's nice," Sam rolled her eyes. "But most people don't have a crush on Carly from the moment they meet her."

"Good point," Freddie conceded nervously. "I guess I have, uh, maybe a thing for…"

"Spit it out already, Benson," Sam cut in impatiently.

"Alright, I like brunettes, okay?" he said, irritated.

"Oh," Sam muttered, shocked. For a moment, her face scrunched up in thought, before a moment of realization struck. "Uh, okay, so…"

Sam stood up abruptly, nervous again as she pointed out the door. "I'm, uh, gonna go down and grab a snack…"

"Hey, no way," Freddie jumped up and grabbed Sam's shoulder, forgetting for the moment who he was dealing with. "You said you were gonna help me clean up here, and I'm not telling you something like that and not getting an explanation of why."

"Fine," Sam finally relented, rolling her eyes as she turned around to face Freddie. "Maybe I…kinda like brunettes, too."

Now Freddie backed up a bit in worry. "No way. I'll-I'll dye my hair, then. Will that work?"

Sam laughed, putting her hand on Freddie's cart to balance herself. "Not you, you sleazebag."

Freddie sighed in relief. "Well then, you know…who?"

"Same as you," Sam muttered with a shrug.

Freddie took a moment before it clicked. "Wait, what?"

Sam just nodded, chewing on her cheek nervously.

Freddie, for his part, threw his arms in the air. "C'mon. Is there _anyone_ who doesn't love Carly?"

"Valerie?" Sam offered, grinning in spite of herself.

Freddie, for his part, just nodded in agreement. "Yeah, true."

"So, you, like, weirded out or something?" Sam asked seriously, fiddling with the cart in her nervousness.

"No…Well, yes, kinda," Freddie shrugged. "Of anyone who I'd want Carly to like besides me, you'd be the last one. But only 'cause I _really_ don't like you."

Sam rolled her eyes in return. "Yeah, whatever."

"So this is why you've been doing all this volunteer stuff?" Freddie asked. "Since when do you play the shy love sick role?"

Sam sighed. She hated this mushy stuff. "'Cause she's the only real friend I've _ever_ had. And I really didn't know what it was until now. She was right. I really just needed to talk about it."

"Well, I'm cool with it being with me," Freddie offered with a shrug.

Sam just rolled her eyes. "Stop being so nice, Benson."

"So, you gonna tell her?" Freddie asked, ignoring the comment.

"You think she likes me?" Sam asked in curiosity, slightly worried.

"Yes," Freddie nodded after a moment, berating himself for every word he said. "She likes the whole bodyguard thing, and she cares about you. _A lot_."

"Alright," Sam nodded in agreement. "Don't think saying that is gonna get ya outta anything."

"Uh huh," Freddie rolled his eyes as he went to collect the parts from the iCarly experiment. "You're gonna go easy on me, remember?"

Sam rolled her eyes in kind, walking behind to help Freddie. "Yeah, I'll chop your legs off and juggle them if you want.

* * *

**TBC**

**

* * *

**

_A/N: Taadaa!_

_I'm sure I freaked a few of you out there with that kinda almost Sam/Freddie stuff. I'm a little disappointed you don't trust me that much…then again, none of you really know me. So, uh, sorry, but I found it funny? That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it._

_And before you ask, yes, if you put a book into sulfuric acid (good luck finding some outside of school) it will flame for a while before the paper dissolves. It's actually kinda cool._

_I'm sure there's other things I wanted to mention, but I won't bore you anymore._

_References:_

_Pop-Culture: 2_

_In-Show: 2_

_That's all. Happy reading!_


	6. Do You Want To Know A Secret?

_A/N: Alright, here we go to the home stretch!_

_This chapter contains some of your basic teenage angst in this one. There's nothing horrible, but still worth noting. If you don't like, wait until the next chapter is posted, 'cause it makes it not so bad._

_Speaking of which, the whole story is now complete, minus a epilogue, so yay for that. But, as I've done before, I will hold off on posting the whole thing, just to make everyone suffer a bit. I really am a nice person. I just have your basic character flaws._

_I'll quickly reiterate the CarlyxSam warning here. If you don't like it, leave please. I'd usually be ruder (haha, stupid Word) about it, but there might be kids watching._

_That should be everything. Now, off to the story with you!_

Disclaimer: Dan seems to be above suing children, so if anyone asks, I'm 5 years old, okay? Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Just read! Oh, wait. Before you do, another disclaimer. I don't own "Confidence (For You I Will)". That belongs to Teddy Geiger. Don't worry, this isn't a songfic. The song is actually in the story. Just read and you'll understand.

Legend: _Italics are thoughts, _except when_ single _words_. _**Bold is song lyrics.**_  
_

Summary: Sam has it figured out! Or does she? And will she be able to stick to her guns and tell Carly? Plus, doesn't anyone else feel like Freddie's taking this just a bit too well? Yeah, I don't care if you do. Read on!

* * *

**iFix It Myself: An iChristmas Extended Episode Fic**

**By:**

**David Armstrong, AKA Leafsdude**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 6: Do You Want To Know A Secret?**

After Sam and Freddie finished their cleanup, Sam wandered out of the studio while Freddie worked one of his numerous upgrades for iCarly.

When Sam reached Carly's bedroom, she noticed the door was open just a sliver. Knowing Carly would be in there, Sam sighed. There was no way in her books that explaining anything like this in Carly's bedroom would be anything but lame. Plus, there were just too many distractions.

So, Sam shrugged, and slithered past, making her way down to the main floor of the loft. Sitting down on the couch, Sam settled down, trying to relax a bit.

"Hey, Sam," a noisy voice interrupted Sam's attempts instantly, freaking her out slightly, turning sharply to look at Spencer. "How'd the show go?"

"Oh, you know," Sam tried nonchalantly, recovering smoothly. "Destruction, some laughs, insulting Freddie in front of three hundred thousand people. The usual."

"Where's Carly?" Spencer asked after a moment, looking around. "She's usually down here by now."

"Yeah, I guess," Sam shrugged, hoping her feigned disinterest got past Spencer's senses. "She's in her room doing who knows what. Not really that big a deal."

Spencer frowned at Sam. "You guys aren't fighting again, are you?"

"What? No," Sam said defensively, before she reeled herself in. "Well, I've been kinda avoiding her lately, but we're cool. No need for one of Freddie's 'in love or get lost' polls."

"Oh, alright," Spencer said, completely missing Sam's slip, much to her relief. "So, you want some bacon?"

"Nope," Sam said absently, too lost in her issues to pay attention.

"Oh," to say Spencer was shocked would be an understatement. "Well, how about some Canadian bacon? I could go…"

"Oh, uh…what?" Sam asked after a beat, returning to reality. Spencer's mind was racing, however, working around a new idea in his head.

"That's perfect!" he suddenly exclaimed, running to the elevator.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked in confusion.

"I need some things for a new sculpture!" he said, hopping around as only Spencer could. "This is gonna be great!"

"Uh, okay," Sam said with fake cheer, watching as the artist disappeared.

Alone again for the moment, Sam once more dove into her inner thoughts.

_Well, I could always just be up front about it, _she thought. _Like, 'hey, Carly, great show today. You look totally hot today. Oh, and I think I might have a bit of a crush on you. Let's get some smoothies._

Sam rolled her eyes at herself. "Yeah, that would go so well."

"What would?" Carly asked from the stairs, shocking the wits out of Sam.

"Oh, uh, this, umm," Sam paused, forcing herself to calm down as best she could. "Never mind,"

Carly just shrugged, taking a seat next to Sam, uncomfortably close. Sam bit her lip.

"You know, Freddie told me…"

Sam's breathe hitched, and her blood pressure skyrocketed as she thought of what she could do to Freddie for…

"That T-Bo was selling smoothies for half-price today," Carly finished casually. "Maybe we should go get some."

"Oh," Sam caught herself, calming down slowly. She instantly thought of ways to ditch Carly again, before realizing the counter-productiveness of such a plan. "Yeah, sure."

Carly's features lit up with her smile, causing Sam to wonder how she never noticed these feelings before. "Great, let's go!"

"Wait, now?" Sam asked before thinking.

"Well, yeah," Carly rolled her eyes. "It closes in a couple hours."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Sam covered unconvincingly. Grabbing her coat and leading the way out, she muttered to herself. "Oh, yeah, let's skip lame, 'cause public humiliation is so much better."

* * *

"Hey, T-Bo, a couple Wary Cherry's, stat," Carly shouted as she led Sam into the Groovy Smoothie. To Sam's relief, it was reasonably empty, but she recognised enough people to cause her to sigh. Sure, they were all smarter than to say anything to her except what she wanted to hear from them, but this still was supposed to be a private matter. If she didn't think Carly would have a panic attack over it, she'd have shooed them all out by now, but she didn't want Carly to be mad at her even temporarily right now.

Taking their usual seats in the corner nearest to the front desk, they waited for their orders.

"So what was going on up there?" Carly asked after a moment, raising her eyebrows.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked nervously. Jittery didn't suit her well, she realized, and just spilling it was becoming all the more attractive every second.

"Well, you were really thinking on that couch," Carly said with a smile. "I thought if Momma thought that much, Momma's head would explode."

"Hey, only Momma's allowed to say that," Sam said in mock-annoyance.

"So, anything interesting?" Carly asked again.

"Naa," Sam shrugged. Maybe blunt force wouldn't work, but answering Carly's questions point blank would probably be the next best thing. "Just the usual confusion."

"Ah," Carly nodded, understanding. "Still with all the sorting?"

"Huh? Oh, no," Sam shook her head. "I figured that out. Just a little while ago, actually. I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with it."

"The 'fix the problem' phase," Carly commented.

"Well, it's not really a problem," Sam clarified. "Or at least I hope it's not."

"So what is it, then?" Carly asked in confusion. None of this was making much sense yet.

"An opportunity?" Sam offered uncertainly.

"Since when does Sam Puckett seize an opportunity?" Carly asked sarcastically, her eyes sparkling in humour.

Sam wanted so badly at that point to explain that it was since she realized how important Carly was to her, but she struggled with her own full-blown uncertainty for the first time, and found herself annoyingly unable to conquer it.

"I just do, okay?" Sam huffed in frustration.

"Sam," Carly's disappointed and somewhat hurt voice droned out.

Sam rolled her eyes in disgust, though it was mostly at herself. She moved to get up, recognising that this was going nowhere, and whenever that happened, her care-o-meter shut down.

Before she could push herself up, though, Carly put her hand on Sam's, causing Sam's eyes to shoot to hers. "Please stay?"

Carly was conflicted. Sam was so uncomfortable, so unsure, but she couldn't let Sam just leave when she was telling her things. Especially if her own admission suggested it was important.

Despite seeing the upset look on Carly's face, Sam was certain she wouldn't be able to deal with staying any easier. Suddenly, she noticed a new song playing on the popular hangout's radio, and a new plan formed in her head.

Standing up slowly, trying to make it clear she wasn't running out, she grabbed Carly's hand.

"May I have this dance?" she asked lamely, chuckling slightly as she said it.

**Wandering the streets,  
In a world underneath it all.  
Nothing seems to be,  
****Nothing tastes as sweet,  
As what I can't have.**

"Uh, Sam?" Carly asked. Sam just raised her eyebrows in return. "This is a slow song."

"So?" Sam asked rhetorically, lifting Carly to her feet, but not dragging her anywhere just yet. "Sometimes random dancing isn't good enough."

**Like you and the way that,****  
You're twisting your hair,  
Around your finger.  
Tonight I'm not afraid,  
To tell you,  
What I feel about you.**

Carly shrugged. _Anything to keep her here, huh?_ She questioned herself.

Finding a reasonably remote location, Sam subtly got T-Bo to raise the volume slightly.

Extending her arms, Sam looked in Carly's eyes, waiting for her to commit.

Carly paused, however. Suddenly, she stepped back, and started jumping around wildly, laughing.

"Carly!" Sam whispered in worry, looking around to see if anyone's attention had been caught by the other girl's antics. Thankfully, most of them were minding their own business. _Smart kids._

"Alright," Carly finally gave in, and awkwardly began to really dance with Sam.

**Oh, I'm gonna muster every ounce,  
Of confidence I have.  
And cannon ball into the water.**

"See, just as much fun," Sam said, though her voice was hardly one conveying enjoyment.

**I'm gonna muster every ounce,  
Of confidence I have,  
For you I will.  
For you I will.**

Carly, for her part, though still somewhat confused about what Sam was doing, had found that it really wasn't all that bad.

However, Sam was starting to chicken out, slowly back off so that her arms were only just long enough to wrap around Carly's waist.

**Forgive me if I st-stutter,  
****From all of the clutter in my head.  
'Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes,  
Like a water bed.**

Carly sighed. This wasn't all that impressive so far. Sam could flail around with the best of them, but this was, quite bluntly, pathetic.

_If Sam wants to make a fool of herself, she could do it on her own_, Carly thought.

**Do I seem familiar?  
I've crossed you in hallways,  
A thousand times.  
No more camouflage,  
I want to be exposed,  
And not be afraid to fall.**

Carly, in one quick motion, managed to pull Sam in closer to her, while also getting her arms more fully around her, creating a more comfortable and correct dance posture.

Sam, for her part, found herself looking directly into Carly's eyes, catching the humour and comfort in them, bumping her own confidence up a little. _Maybe she does like me._

**Oh, I'm gonna muster every ounce,  
Of confidence I have.  
And cannon ball into the water.  
**

**I'm gonna muster every ounce,  
Of confidence I have,  
For you I will.**

"So, this is your idea of fun?" Carly asked with a smirk, rolling her eyes at Sam.

"Well, the dance wasn't s'pose to be the fun part," Sam said, once again talking before thinking.

"What?" Carly asked, confused.

**You always want what you can't have,  
But I've got to try.  
I'm gonna muster every ounce,  
Of confidence I have,  
For you I will.  
For you I will.  
For you I will.  
For you...**

_You're in too deep now, Puckett_, Sam thought to herself. _Just come out with it already._

Carly, meanwhile, still had her eyebrows raised, waiting for an explanation. Just that the heck was Sam up to?

Finally, Sam leaned towards Carly's ear.

"Do you want to know a secret?" She whispered, backing up again to raise a playful eyebrow at Carly.

**If I could dim the lights,  
In the mall,And create a mood,  
I would.  
Shout out your name,  
So it echoes in every room.  
I would.**

Carly looked Sam in the eye, catching a glint of mischief in them. Despite the spark of the Sam she knew, there was still also that small level of uncertainty that'd been there since she saw her on the couch.

Unsure how to respond, Carly just shrugged. "Sure?"

**That's what I'd do,  
That's what I'd do,  
That's what I'd do,  
To get through to you.**

Sam leaned forward to whisper in Carly's ear again. As opposed to earlier, she was now feeling that moment of anticipation, similar to the one she got when she had just egged someone's house, and was waiting for the owner to open the door and catch her. Until now, she was sure that was the most wired she would ever feel. Well, except for that time she was tazered…

**Yeah, I'm gonna muster every ounce,  
Of confidence I have.  
And cannon ball into the water.  
I'm gonna muster every ounce,  
Of confidence I have,  
For you I will.**

**You always want what you can't have,  
But I've got to try.  
I'm gonna muster every ounce,  
Of confidence I have,  
For you I will.  
For you I will.  
For you I will.**

Sam took a deep breath. _Now or never…_

"I'm in love with you," she whispered.

Face-to-face again, Sam wasn't surprised at the look of confusion on Carly's face. Despite no vocalizations yet, she could hear the "What?" ringing in her ears anyway.

The look changed quickly, though. Unexpectedly for Sam, it changed from worry to dread and panic in an instant. Without a word said, Carly pried herself out of Sam's grip, and took off through the doors, leaving Sam in shock.

"Carly?" she whispered to herself in confusion. "Come back!" She paused, as she slowly made her way back to their table, sitting back down in a heap. "You forgot your smoothie…"

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

_A/N: You were warned!_

_Poor Sam. Don't you just wanna jump into the fic universe and give her a big hug? *Sniffs*_

_But anyway, enough of my deranged ramblings. I'll have the last chapter up before the start of the weekend, and the epilogue up before the end of it._

_That's about it, except for references:_

_In-Show: 2. Both should be easy._

_Pop-Culture: 2. One is REALLY hard._

_Good luck, and happy reading!_


	7. The Waltz

_A/N: Alright, to the end we go, dudes!_

_Yes, it's time for the best part of any fic: the ending! Of course, this is just the ending by strict definition. I still have a final chapter, which is about 2/3rds done, to post after this, but that won't really advance the story as much as tie up a few loose ends and have a little fun._

_Classic mushy-mushy chapter here, which includes some non-sensical stuff, so be forewarned. Proceed with extreme caution and a lot of insulin shots, just in case._

_So, let's move on, shall we?_

Disclaimer: Dan seems to be above suing children, so if anyone asks, I'm 5 years old, okay? Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Just read!

Legend: _Italics are thoughts, _except when_ single _words_._

Summary: Carly did _WHAT? _ Can we really see a happy ending, or is everything doomed to failure even before it began? You probably already know the answer, but read on anyway…Please?

* * *

**iFix It Myself: An iChristmas Extended Episode Fic**

**By:**

**David Armstrong, AKA Leafsdude**

* * *

**Chapter 7: The Waltz**

Carly ran all the way back to her apartment, not stopping even as she ran up the stars and approached the door. Swinging it open wildly, she entered the loft, shutting the door behind her. She closed her eyes, ears trained to hear anything from the other side.

Truthfully, she didn't expect to hear Sam behind her. If Sam had gone after her, she would have caught Carly way earlier. Not necessarily because Sam was a much faster runner, which she was, but also because Carly probably wouldn't have been able to ignore her.

Turning around, eyes still shut tightly, Carly laid back on the door with a sigh. _ That was weird._

"Hey kiddo!" A voice exploded out, causing Carly to jump in shock, her eyes flying open.

Instantly, she saw Spencer and Freddie. For a moment, she was confused, until she noticed what was behind them: a big blob of foam, shaped suspiciously like Canadian bacon.

"What is _that_?" Carly asked, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, this?" Spencer asked rhetorically, turning towards the sculpture himself. "It's my latest piece! I call it 'Foam Ham'd'."

Carly stared at Spencer for a second. "What?"

"You know, Foam Ham'd?" Spencer tried again, jumping around as if that would help prove his point. "It's foam that has been shaped like ham. So…Foam hand? Foam Ham'd?"

Spencer chuckled at his lame pun, while Carly sighed.

"It's a good thing Sam isn't here," Spencer said off-hand after thinking for a second. "This foam's very toxic."

"So, where'd you go?" Freddie asked Carly after a moment, noticing Carly's generally upheavaled look.

"To the Groovy Smoothie," Carly answered nonchalantly, hiding her increasing anxiety. _How much more do you need to know?_ She thought.

"You didn't get me a Blueberry-Banana Blitz?" Spencer asked in shock and sadness. Carly just rolled her eyes in response.

"Where _is_ Sam?" Freddie wondered, eyebrows raised. "She was here not that long ago. I didn't think she'd be gone until the fridge was completely empty."

Carly frowned for a moment, looking down in embarrassment.

"She was at the Groovy Smoothie, too…with me," she said.

"You mean you left without her?" Freddie asked in concern, looking on the verge of freaking out. Carly felt a pang of guilt as she considered this. _What else could I have done?_

"Sam said you guys _weren't_ fighting," Spencer spoke up again, looking at Carly in confusion.

Carly's face fell for an instant. _Okay, so not telling them anything right now. Although, if I don't, they're only going to get more concerned and curious, and then they're reach conclusions…Oh, great. Now I'm gonna tell them._

"We're, uh, not…exactly fighting," Carly managed to spit out.

Freddie raised his eyebrows, the stutter and slight flush giving Carly away. _Sam usually works fast…but this fast?_

"Oh, good," Spencer said, pleased. He paused for a second, though, the other issue re-entering his head. "But then why did you ditch her?"

Carly looked at Spencer, and then at Freddie. _Aw man…_

"Sam loves me!" she blurted, eyes blazing.

"Oh," Freddie answered. _I guess so._

Spencer, immune to Carly's gaze, shrugged. "And…?"

"Really, Spencer?" Carly asked harshly, raising her eyebrows for added effect.

Spencer thought about it for a moment. _Sam loves Carly. Sam loves Carly. Sam loves…oh!_ Getting it, Spencer shrugged, moving on with his work.

Carly turned to Freddie, who seemed somewhat surprised, but clearly still understanding the story.

"What do I do?" she asked worriedly.

"Well, you ran away from her," Freddie snarked. "That's a good start."

"That's not helping," Carly scoffed..

"Sorry," Freddie shrugged. "Why don't we go to Skybucks? You know, pick up a couple of coffees, talk about it a bit, just you and me?"

"Freddie," Carly warned.

Freddie sighed, giving up. "Why is this such a big deal?"

"Hello! It's not every day my best friend tells me they're in love with me," Carly shot back in frustration.

"Uh," Freddie raised his eyebrows, trying his best to make himself more noticeable, but failing miserably. He slumped a bit with a sigh. "Why didn't you just tell her you feel the same?"

"What?" Carly's eyes bulged at Freddie. "I…I don't!"

"Oh, c'mon," Freddie replied, not buying it. "I've seen you with Sam while she's sick. You _enjoy_ it."

"Yeah. So what?" Carly asked. "That's normal…right?"

Freddie sighed. _Why do I have to be the nice guy?_

"Yeah, we all know everyone would break their best friend out of jail, just 'cause they're depressed she's not around," Freddie said sarcastically.

"Yes, we do," Carly responded, trying her best to sound confident but failing miserably.

"No they don't, Carly," Freddie shot back with a smirk. He didn't know why this was funny, but somehow it just was.

"Why not?" Carly asked timidly.

"Uh, the guards?" Freddie replied, obviously. "They're huge. Plus, if it wasn't for Sam's dummies and her laziness, they would notice she's gone. Oh, and all that climbing. It's a lot of work."

"Maybe I find that kind of work fun," Carly argued sassily, turning away from Freddie's gaze.

"Sure," Freddie replied sarcastically. "C'mon, you know you'd do anything for her."

"Yeah?" Carly said daringly. "Like what?"

Freddie gulped, but trudged on. "Well, it happens weekly on iCarly. And what about that time she licked that swing set, and you gave her that soup."

"What was so strange about that?" Carly asked innocently.

"Not everyone makes chicken noodle soup from scratch when they've never made anything except for lemonade in their whole lives," Freddie answered with a laugh.

"She really wanted some, and Spencer didn't buy us any," Carly said defensively. She tried to ignore Freddie's impatient look, but failed. "Oh my God, I'm in love with Sam Puckett!"

Slack-jawed, Carly looked at Freddie oddly. He raised his eyebrows questioningly in return.

Regaining her senses, Carly turned back around, bolting for the door. However, her efforts to open it weren't rewarded.

"Uh, Carly?" Freddie asked innocently. "Don't forget the lock."

Looking at the relevant part, Carly snapped it open. "Shut up, Freddie," she said as she headed out the door.

* * *

In the cool, misty evening air, Carly felt like she was walking in circles, hoping to aimlessly bump into Sam.

_This isn't working, _she thought obviously. She quickly began wondering easier ways to find Sam.

_Maybe if I figure out where she might be_, she thought, rolling her eyes. She stopped suddenly, her mind going into overdrive as she began to think of where Sam would go in a situation like this.

_When she found out about Jonah, she went home even though Mrs. Puckett had just gotten a new bikini,_ Carly considered, turning towards the walkway to the Puckett household. She paused, her mind reeling her in. _But she dumped him._

She stood there, thinking again. _When Frankie Murkin rudely dumped her, she went and egged Mrs. Briggs' house for an hour._

Turning around the other way, she paused again, reconsidering. _But she wasn't rejected by either of them._

She frowned, returning to square one. After a moments thought, she couldn't recall a time when Sam _had_ been rejected.

Returning to the original direction she was going, Carly started coming up with a simpler plan.

"Someone must have seen where she went in the Groovy Smoothie," she muttered.

Quickly turning and jogging in that direction, she made it to the front door in a matter of moments. Opening the door, she waved at T-Bo behind the front counter, walking in that direction.

As she moved into T-Bo's earshot, a flash of blonde caught her eye. Doing a double-take, she was surprised to see Sam. She was sitting at the same table while slurping a smoothie, her eyes cast towards the table surface.

Carly looked around in surprise, wondering if anyone else was confused that Sam, the queen of confidence, was drinking a smoothie in clear depression. Instantly, Carly's confusion rose; no one else was in the hangout.

"Sam!" Carly's voice rang out without her realizing it. "What did you do?"

Carly winced as Sam's eyes shot up in surprise and confusion, the blue in them a shadow of their former selves. Carly noted that her comment, despite coming out completely on their own, did have her trademark playful note to them. She hoped that was enough to keep Sam at least comfortable enough not to bolt.

Sam, for her part, felt like her brain had completely stopped. Time also appeared to stand still. What was Carly doing here? She considered possibilities, but most of them ended up worse than the current state her world was in. Something was forcing her to stay planted in her seat, though, and as Carly cautiously wandered over to her table, she was unable to budge herself even an inch.

Carly took a seat, mind racing a mile a minute. The idea that Sam wouldn't do anything seemed far fetched. As evidenced by Carly's unconscious question, she wondered if everyone had piled out because she had her moment of emotional outburst, and had just calmed down.

Sam finally gained control of the upper part of her body, forcing her eyes back down to her very interesting smoothie, drinking from it a bit more strongly. In all her scenarios for why Carly was here, none of them had her sitting down in front of her.

Carly noticed Sam close in on herself again when she sat down and frowned. She studied the other girl carefully, trying to spot anything she recognized as Sam, and wound up empty handed. She wondered, again, what she really felt for her. Was she in love with Sam, her best friend, lover of every kind of meat and wedgier of anyone who was unlucky enough to cross her path and be too meek (or smart) to fight back?

_Am I in love with this person sitting in front of me right now?_ Carly's mind paused in its rollercoaster, her studying doing the same. She realized she wasn't. _This_ wasn't Sam. Not the one she could consider those feelings around. Sam was carefree, instinctual and _happy_. Not this lump that was nervously slurping a smoothie.

"So," Carly finally broke the stillness, the loudness of her voice even surprising her. She coughed to steady herself. "Whatcha been up to?"

Sam looked back up, slower and more purposely this time. She took in the look and posture of her taller friend, and immediately recognized the nervous excitement buried within.

"Smoothies," she shrugged, looking at her cup.

Carly glanced over at T-Bo, and then back at Sam. She frowned again, though a bit more playfully this time.

"How many did you have?" she scolded like a mother would. Sam could hear the tone loud and clear, and imagined Carly's hands on her hips in disappointment.

"Uh, eight?" she answered meekly.

Carly shook her head, taking the cup from Sam. "No more for you, then," she said.

"Hey!" Sam shot up, reaching over to try and regain her comfort drink, but unable to beat Carly's speed and cunning. "Give it back!"

Carly laughed, playing keep-away while Sam kept trying to take it back.

Eventually, Sam gave up, sitting back down with a mild pout, clearly amused in spite of her mental state.

Carly noticed that this was the Sam she admired so. Sam looked defeated, but wasn't upset about it. She was enjoying it. Carly frowned in uncertainty. 'Admired' felt like a good word to use, but it was only one of many. She was free around Sam, able to be whatever she felt like being, not worrying about what it meant. And she knew she didn't feel right when she wasn't around her. Everyone had always said she wasn't 'Carly' without Sam beside her, and they'd always said Sam wasn't 'Sam' without her. She never realized how right they were.

Carly considered her feeling for another moment, absently putting the smoothie on the table, not caring when Sam swiped it back and started gulping it down. Carly wondered absently if there really was such a thing as love. Whether or not that was what she felt, she knew that the idea of being with Sam always, in every way possible, was something she wanted, perhaps even needed.

Sam snuck a glance at Carly, confused, but relaxing in her presence. Something seemed off with the whole thing, but all she wanted was to have Carly around her, and if this meant anything, it was that she could.

"Why are you still here?" Carly questioned again, looking around at the emptiness. "And why did you scare away all of T-Bo's customers?"

"I didn't scare them away, Carls," she said, laughing. "No one's ever here after 9. T-Bo made an exception for me."

"'Cause you're great pals?" Carly asked, rolling her eyes.

"No," Sam drew out playfully, the sparkle in her eyes returning. "Because I didn't have the money to pay for these."

Carly shook her head. That was her Sam; never prepared. Carly paused in mid-thought. "Her" Sam. She realized how easily she'd used that before, even when she hadn't realized the feelings it suggested. Sam did whatever Carly told her, whenever she did. And Carly did the same for Sam. It wasn't even four hours ago when she had a slow dance with Sam.

"Do I always have to bail you out?" Carly asked, her tone laced with humour.

"I would like it you did," Sam replied quickly. Carly shot a surprised look at Sam, causing her to fold back in on herself defensively.

Carly frowned. She didn't know what was happening, but she knew she wanted Sam to be with her. Despite this, she couldn't figure out a good way to tell her.

Finally, Carly reached across, gently putting her hand on Sam's. The familiar feeling of comfort washed over her, as Sam looked at her in confusion.

Carly considered what she could say, and found them all not quite fitting right. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, the action only rewarding her with more air in her lungs. Eventually, she forced her brain to stop. _I can't think my way through this. I gotta just let it come out._

"I'd…I'd like it if I did, too," Carly finally said, smiling softly at Sam.

Sam, for her part, looked at Carly in complete shock. _Is she saying what I think she's saying?_ She wondered. _Is it worth hoping for?_

"Uh, what?" Sam finally managed to squeak out, not trusting herself to say anything beyond the simple questions.

"Sam, Cuttlefish tickets and a one-of-a-kind shirt didn't get between us," Carly paused, wondering whether that sounded right. She decided it didn't matter at this point, and continued on. "Not that I'm saying that I don't want you to feel that way, because…well, because I'm not sure what I feel, but I do know I don't mind the idea of being around you my whole life. I'm not sure if that's love, Sam. But if it isn't, then it's still good enough."

Sam looked at Carly weirdly, before shaking her head. "What?"

Carly rolled her eyes, letting go of Sam's hand. "I'm saying...that we should, you know…be an item?"

Sam finally caught on, the moment of realization taking an extra second to sink in. "Huh? Wait, what…really?"

Carly shrugged with a smile as she watched Sam go from her completely docile state into the whooping and hopping teenager without a care Carly had always felt lucky to be around.

As Sam settled down, she stood beside Carly's chair, giving her a sheepish look. "I'm good."

"You'd better not be," Carly teased with a humoured grin.

"Don't start with me, Shay," Sam teased back, pulling Carly up and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Now what do you say we pay for these and go home?"

"Why the rush?" Carly asked, rolling her eyes. "What about another dance?"

"Uh, no thanks," Sam said. Carly faked an insulted look, causing Sam to roll her eyes. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not all that into that kind of dancing."

"Yeah, me neither," Carly shrugged in return, smirking.

"And anyway," Sam said, pausing to take a listen to the song…

**Time,**

**Where did you go?**

**Why did you leave me here,**

**Alone?**

"That's a waltz," Sam said, rolling her eyes.

**Wait,**

**Don't go so fast.**

**I'm missing the moments,**

**As they pass.**

"What's a waltz?" Carly asked in confusion.

"It's a 3 count," Sam replied simply. Upon the unchanging look on Carly's face, she shrugged. "That's what my dance teacher told me."

**Now, I've looked in the mirror,**

**And the world,**

**Getting clearer.**

**So wait for me,**

**This time.**

"You took dance?" Carly asked in surprise as the two walked to pay for Sam's drinks, arms still around each others shoulder.

"Yes, and if you mention that to Fredica, I _will_ make you waltz with me," Sam threatened sternly, her free hand pointing at Carly.

"My lips are sealed," Carly promised with a nod.

**I'm down,**

**I'm down on my knees,**

**I'm begging for all your sympathies.**

The two headed out the door, the music still permeating around the area.

**But you (are just an illusion),**

**You don't seem to care (I wish that I could),**

**You humble people,**

**Every-**

"Oh, just shut that off already!" Sam shouted, poking her head back in the door before an arm dragged her back away.

"Alright," T-Bo yelled back. "Jeez, kids these days."

* * *

_A/N: Aww! Wasn't that just so…*blows nose in tissue*._

_The song is 'Time' by Chantel Kreviazuk. I didn't put it in the top disclaimer, because I felt it would give too much away. So leave me alone._

_So yeah. One more chapter to go. Hopefully you liked this one. If you didn't, you're gonna hate the last one._

_So anyway…_

_References:_

_Pop-Culture: None._

_In-show: 5_

_Thanks, and happy reading!_


	8. Epilogue

_A/N: Yeah, I know, it's a week late. As Sam would say, get over it._

_This is just a epilogue. There's not really any plot development. It's mostly tying up lose ends. Three things in particular, really: revealing, explaining and a scene of a day in the life afterwards for Carly and Sam._

_There's a few anti-fan jokes in here. Be assured that they're made in playful jest, and not to be offensive. No hate mail, please!_

_So, enjoy the ending!_

Disclaimer: Dan seems to be above suing children, so if anyone asks, I'm 5 years old, okay? Yeah, that's not creepy at all. Just read!

Legend: _Italics are thoughts, _except when_ single _words_._

_

* * *

_

**iFix It Myself: An iChristmas Extended Episode Fic**

**By:**

**David Armstrong, AKA Leafsdude**

**

* * *

**

**Epilogue**

The pair walked back to the Bushwell, shoulder to shoulder, in comfortable silence.

Sam insisted that they take the elevator up, her true laziness finally showing again. Carly dutifully argued, but her attempt fell on deaf ears, mostly because her best efforts were exercise and the extra time alone together.

Exiting the elevator on the 8th floor, they walked over to Carly's door. Stopping, Carly raised her eyebrows at Sam's hand reaching for the doorknob.

"What are you doing?" she asked in confusion.

"Walking Carly Shay home through the dangerous Seattle streets?" Sam responded with a sarcastic grin.

"I mean with the door," Carly said with a sigh, giving Sam a look.

"I know you have ham in the fridge, Carls," Sam retorted, once again reaching to open the door.

"Sam," Carly droned seriously. "I know you told your mom you'd go for ice cream together around now."

Sam gave Carly a look in surprise, before shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly, truly indifferent.

"Ah, she'll understand," she said with a smirk.

"No she won't," Carly said, causing Sam to look at her in confusion. "She's your mom!"

"Yeah," Sam replied in serious agreement, the smirk still there. "And I've stood her up before. So has she. Uh, with me, I mean. She really doesn't care."

"Uh, what?" Carly asked, understandably confused.

Sam shrugged. _Not like I've been able to explain it to anyone before. People don't see how we just get each other. Kinda like with Carly. Well, except that we're nothing alike._

"Earth-Carly calling Earth-Sam," Carly said, shocking Sam out of her inner monologue.

Sam looked at Carly oddly for a second, before grinning mischievously. "You're not trying to ditch me, are you Shay?"

Carly stood ridged for a moment in worried surprise, before noting the playful look. She smirked back.

"Of course not," she replied, ruffling Sam's hair playfully.

"Good," Sam nodded, turning back and opening the door before Carly could object any more. "'Cause I do know you have ham, so…golly wow."

Sam stopped in her tracks, a look of awe on her face. Carly quickly followed in worry.

"Oh…yeah," Carly nodded when she traced Sam's line of sight. "That's Spencer's latest sculpture. But, uh, don't eat it. It's made of foam."

"I wasn't gonna eat it," Sam said, an offended look on her face. "At least not right now."

Carly rolled her eyes, not buying it. Suddenly, Spencer jumped up from behind the counter, surprising both of them.

"Where's my paintbrush?" he asked aloud in worry. "I can't work without my paintbrush!"

Carly rolled her eyes, pointing at the countertop, where a red paint can was sitting. "It's in the paint."

Spencer looked at the paint can, and a look of surprise came over him. "It's in the paint!"

"Hey, great sculpture," Sam said in approval, gaining a smirk from Spencer. "I like it."

"You should," Spencer nodded, looking oddly relieved. "You inspired it. Sorta."

Sam raised her eyebrows in surprise, but was beaten to the punch with her question.

"You made that 'cause of _Sam_?" Freddie asked angrily, popping up from behind the far end of the couch.

"Momma: 2, Nub: 0," Sam said, adding in a little jig just to show up Freddie.

Carly gave Sam a disapproving look, hands on her hips, as she waited for an explanation.

"What?" Sam asked, barefaced. "Me and Freddie bet on who could inspire more sculptures in a year."

"Of course you did," Carly responded, trying to look surprised but failing miserably.

"Hey, shh!" Freddie hissed, causing the two to look at him. "He'll hear you!"

The trio looked at Spencer, who was blissfully working on his sculpture, unaware of the discussion.

Sam didn't respond, instead heading into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she quickly fished through to find some ham, bringing it to the front counter. Carly quickly joined her.

"This beats ice cream any day," Sam smirked, popping a piece of ham into her mouth.

"Yeah, unless it's ham-flavoured ice cream," Carly retorted with a smile, rolling her eyes.

"I wasn't talking about the ham," Sam clarified flirtatiously. "I was talking about you…_And _ham. Or should that be 'Cam'?"

"That's just stupid," Carly replied seriously, raising an eyebrow at Sam.

"Yeah, I know," Sam nodded, not really caring.

Suddenly, the pair got a look of recognition, before looking up at an open-mouthed Spencer and Freddie.

"What?" Carly asked self-consciously.

"Nothing," Spencer said quickly, turning back to his sculpture, trying his best to look inconspicuous.

Freddie, however, smirked, giving Sam an amused look.

"Sam's in love," he sing-songed, before raising his eyebrows in worry, looking at Carly. "Oh crap, Sam's in love."

"Quiet, Benson," Sam said dangerously.

"So," Spencer cut in, still focused on his foam. "You guys are gonna be, like, dating?"

Carly and Sam looked at each other. "Naa," they both said, shaking her heads in unison.

"Alright, well, if you need a ride, just…What?" Spencer looked at them in confusion.

"Dating's for nubs that don't know each other," Sam answered, looking at Freddie pointedly.

"Sam and I just hang out," Carly said, squeezing Sam's shoulder for effect.

"Ah, well," Spencer smirked slyly. "When you guys 'hang out', try not to forget my Blueberry Blitz. Twice!"

Carly looked at Spencer in humoured worry. "Yes, sir."

"I had three Blitzes," Sam said in confusion, looking around at the group.

"Sam!" Carly scolded, giving her shoulder a slap before plastering on a fake smile. "We should, uh, probably go up and plan for iCarly, right Freddie?"

"Well, the next show isn't 'til next we-" Freddie was cut off from Carly's incredulous look. "Uh, yeah, sure."

The group hurried upstairs before Spencer could escape from his stupor.

* * *

Sam immediately fell into a beanbag chair as the trio reached the studio.

"Mmm, I need a foot rub," she muttered, looking at Carly and Freddie.

"Yeah, right," Freddie rolled his eyes, moving over to his equipment to give it a check.

"You always need a foot rub," Carly said, staying in the middle of the room.

Sam shrugged, pulling out her cellphone.

"What are you doing?" Carly asked in curiosity.

"Calling Gibby," Sam answered, not looking up.

"Why?" Carly asked after pausing for a moment.

"So he can give me a foot rub," Sam answered, giving her best 'duh' look.

Carly walked over, grabbing up the cellphone, causing Sam to pout in worry. "Hey!"

"You'll get this back when you realize that foot rubs aren't a right, but a privilege," Carly said strictly, pocketing the phone. Sam sighed in surrender.

"I can't believe I'm going to deal with this," Freddie muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, tough cookies," Sam shot back quickly, glaring at Freddie.

"I know this is not exactly fun for you," Carly understated, walking over to stand in front of Freddie. "But we need you for iCarly still, so…"

"Hey, it's cool," Freddie said earnestly.

Carly and Sam looked at each other, then back at Freddie. "What?" they asked in unanimity.

"It's better than the alternative," Freddie said with a shrug. Upon the confused looks, he clarified. "I've seen you without Sam. It's not pretty."

Carly looked at him in surprise, then a look of understanding overtook her. "Oh, yeah. The bet."

"The bet?" Sam asked in confusion, looking at the two.

"In that weird dimension thingy, I bet with Freddie and won," Carly smirked. "He had to date Rona 'cause of it."

Sam raised her eyebrows before a look of pride overtook her features. "Impressive."

"So, wait," Carly paused, looking at Freddie thoughtfully again. "Is that why you're not all jealous and stuff?"

Before Freddie could answer, the big screen started to swing out, catching the three off guard.

"This better not be Nevel," Carly said seriously.

As it stopped, the image switched.

"Hey kids."

"Mitch?" the three said in surprise.

"I had thought we'd seen the last of you," Carly said in worry.

"Don't worry," Mitch said as he waved his hand. "I'm just here to check up on you. I hear everything's gone as planned."

Carly looked at Mitch for a moment, then looked at Sam. "Wait, are you saying that everything that happened…"

"…was because of what I did?" Mitch cut in, shaking his head. "Not _everything_. But some things were. Mostly, I just helped things along."

"So that's why you sent us all back," Freddie noted, understanding.

"Well, every conceivable universe exists, Freddie," Mitch said with a shrug. "It was going to happen. Nothing any of us could do to avoid it."

"I wouldn't have realized any of this without them?" Sam asked in worry.

"Well, something like that," Mitch nodded cryptically.

"Oh," Sam shrugged uncertainly. "Thanks, I guess."

Freddie and Carly looked at Sam in surprise, before Carly ruffled her hair playfully. "Yeah. What she said."

"Uh huh, and thanks for showing me that other Carly," Freddie said sarcastically, giving a shutter after a moment.

"Things can always be worse, kid," Mitch nodded. After a thoughtful look, he quickly amended. "Well, unless you live in the worst universe. That place is just yuck."

"So where's your buddy?" Carly asked, looking around.

"Oh, well, he's off doing things," Mitch shrugged. "You know, fixing stuff. I told him he wasn't needed here. All he'd do is scare you guys anyway."

Carly smirked, then looked at Mitch carefully, studying the image. "Hey, we are your wings?"

"Oh, back in my room," Mitch answered. "They would have blinded you."

"Blinded me?" Carly asked in confusion.

"Ever seen honey glazed chicken wings from heaven? Scrumptious, but really bright," Mitch explained, grinning.

"Chicken wings?" Sam asked. "How do I get in there?"

"Years of practise, Sam," Mitch answered, giving the group a salute. "I'll see you kids later."

The screen sputtered out, quickly swinging back in.

"That creep," Freddie said, rolling his eyes as he grabbed up his camera.

"I heard that," Mitch's voice resonated through the room, causing Freddie to drop it, cringing at the loud thud.

"I'll get the backup," Carly said with a sigh, walking out of the room.

* * *

"It's kinda like putting duct tape on someone's mouth," Sam said with a smirk. Carly just looked at her, confused, from the other side of the table. "You know, so you can pull it off?"

"Really?" Carly asked incredulously after a moments pause.

"Oh yeah," Sam continued, typically missing the tone as she excitedly continued her random thought. "Think of it like a 5 band-aids being ripped off at the same time and…"

"Alright!" Carly cut her off, a disturbed look on her face to go along with a hint of a smile. "How did we ever even get to duct tape in the first place?"

"We talked about Mrs. Briggs trip to Denmark, which led to egging houses," Sam paused in thought for a moment. "Then about wasting food, then about fudge balls, then…"

"Okay, I get it," Carly cut off, giving Sam a look to get her point across.

The two were at the Seattle Beat studios, waiting for an announcement for the winners of a contest they'd entered for a cameo in the next Saucy Monky video.

Carly got up, looking at Sam. "I'm gonna get a drink. Do you want anything?"

"Hmm, get me a peppy cola and some wings," Sam said after a moment's thought. "And not those small baskets. I'm talking a bowlful."

"They don't have those," Carly said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh," Sam frowned for a moment, before her eyes lightened again. "Get me two, then."

With a sigh, Carly turned to get the requested items. Returning with them a few minutes later, she set them in front of Sam, watching her go through the wings in her regular grace.

"So, how's your mom doing?" Carly asked, sipping her own drink as she watched Sam eat in a mixture of disgust and humour.

"How do you think she's doing?" Sam shot back sarcastically, annoyed at being interrupted during her eating. "She's got bronchitis."

Before Carly could respond, she noticed someone standing over their table. She looked up, seeing Wendy and her gang looking between the two of them.

"So, are you two finally a couple?" she asked knowingly, smirking.

"What?" Carly automatically asked, looking at Sam, who was still lost in her wings.

"Oh, well," Wendy stuttered for a second worriedly. "You guys seemed more flirty today, which is saying something."

"Oh, uh, I guess, yes, I mean, to the first question, but…" Carly looked at Wendy oddly. "What do you mean finally?"

"Everyone knows something's going on," Wendy said obviously. "There's even a webpage about it, you know. Stories and everything."

"Wow, some people need to get a life," Sam said off-hand, looking up for a second from her food.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say it's about time, and good luck," Wendy said with a shrug, walking off.

"Uh, thanks," Carly shouted, giving Sam a look. "That was strange."

"Ah, whatever," Sam said indifferently between bites. "These are some good wings."

"Yeah, they're tofu," Carly said with a straight face.

"What?" Sam asked dangerously, looking up with worry.

"Just kidding, Sam," Carly said, giving Sam a light punch in the arm.

"Don't scare me like that," Sam said, rolling her eyes as she continued eating.

"Oh, you like it," Carly shot back teasingly with a smirk.

"Blah," Sam said loudly, mouth full.

"Blah," Carly copied playfully. She noticed Sam was done eating, and looked at the other end of the room. "Ya wanna dance?"

"Sure," Sam nodded enthusiastically. "Let's have some fun, baby."

The two made their way over, already moving to the strong dance beat of the song playing. Neither had heard of it before, but it clearly fit their style appropriately.

Stopping near the group of people that were already moving to the music, Carly paused, looking at Sam for a moment.

"What?" Sam asked, weirded out.

"You still owe me a Waltz," Carly whispered, laughing at Sam's reaction.

"Quiet!" Sam yelled, looking around worriedly.

"Oh, c'mon," Carly sighed, looking around. "I looked it up on dancepedia. It sounds like fun."

"But this song is too fast," Sam replied with a whine.

"Oh, don't be such a downer," Carly said, grabbing Sam's hands. Sam showed no resistance.

"I think I know what Freddie was talking about," Sam said, rolling her eyes.

"About what?" Carly asked, eyes narrowing.

"What you'd be like if you didn't like me," Sam replied smartly.

"Shut up and dance, Sam," Carly replied, impatiently, before starting to smirk. "And if I didn't like you, I wouldn't mess with you like I do now."

Sam considered this for a moment, before grinning back. The two continued to 'waltz' in silence until the music ended.

"Thank you, Sam," Carly said, bowing playfully.

"Yeah, yeah," Sam replied, not caring.

"Now, for what everyone's been waiting for," the VJ said, her voice blaring through the studio's audio system.

Sam and Carly starting whooping, along with the rest of the crowd, all their attention turned to the VJ.

"An all-expenses paid trip to Los Angeles for two to appear in the new Saucy Monky video," the VJ said. Pulling out an envelope, she held it for a tantalizing second. "And the winners are…"

"C'mon, hurry up, old lady," Sam called out loudly as the VJ took her time.

"Sam Puckett and Carly Shay."

Sam and Carly looked at each other, then back at the VJ, mouths agape.

"We won!" they both shouted, leaping into the air together. Grinning, they turned to each other. Before the realized what they were doing, they leaned in, lost in the moment, and kissed.

Almost immediately, they both separated, looking at each other shyly.

"Not exactly the best moment, huh?" Carly said, looking around at the crowd.

"It helps when we both know it's gonna happen," Sam said after a moment, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"But what about…?" Carly asked, hand pointing towards the people.

"Oh, don't worry about them," Sam cut her off, smirking.

Carly smiled in agreement after a couple moments, forgetting about the company around them as they shared their first real kiss.

* * *

**The End**

**

* * *

**

_A/N: Yes, it's finished! Yay!_

_And before anyone gets upset about me breaking one of the rules, remember that they applied only to how they got together, not to anything that happened following that. So there._

_I'm considering doing a parody series, that is, taking clichéd themes and rewriting this fic with them in mind. Should be really funny._

_I got a handful of other ideas on the mind, so hopefully you haven't heard the rest of me. Apologies in advance for that._

_There's a pile of references in this one. Too many to count, really. There is one, though, which is from both categories. See if you can pick it out. It should be pretty obvious._

_That's about it. Happy reading!_


End file.
